Singleness is Not God's Punishment

The Lie That Kept Me Angry at God for Years

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I believed God was punishing me with singleness.

I wouldn't have said it quite that bluntly, but that's what I believed.

I thought I simply hadn't become good enough to deserve the desire of my heart: a loving marriage and a family of my own.

If you grew up in church, you've probably heard Psalm 37:4:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I interpreted that verse to mean that if I didn't have the desire of my heart, then I must not be delighting myself in the Lord enough.

Surely I was doing something wrong.

Maybe God was disappointed in me.

Maybe He was withholding His blessing.

Maybe I needed to try harder.

The problem with believing God is angry with you is that you can never have peace.

You're always performing.

Always striving.

Always wondering what else you need to fix.

Trying to Earn God's Favor

At one point, I became fascinated by the story of King David.

David desperately wanted to build a temple for God. Yet God told him that because of the bloodshed in his life, David would not be the one to build it.

Instead, his son Solomon would.

David accepted God's decision and spent his remaining years gathering resources so Solomon could complete the task.

That story gave me an idea.

Maybe I needed to prove to God that I wasn't selfish.

Maybe if I celebrated other people's blessings, God would finally trust me with my own.

So I hosted bridal showers.

Baby showers.

Engagement celebrations.

I smiled. I decorated. I bought gifts.

And privately, I grieved.

Because it was never my turn.

The Testimonies That Made Me Angry

I would hear women say things like:

"I finally told God I was okay being single, and the very next day I met my husband!"

Those stories drove me crazy.

I had prayed that prayer.

Repeatedly.

Sincerely.

And yet... no husband.

I spent years swinging between two extremes:

Being angry at God because He wasn't giving me what I wanted.

And exhausting myself trying to be the kind of woman I thought He would reward.

Neither brought peace.

What Finally Changed

Eventually, I began to realize something:

God wasn't punishing me.

I was misunderstanding Him.

Here are three truths that helped me let go of the belief that God was mad at me.

1. I Took Responsibility for My Choices

When I looked honestly at my dating history, I noticed two recurring patterns:

First, I dated men who looked great on paper but toward whom I felt little or no attraction.

Second, I dated men I was crazy about who clearly weren't that interested in me.

Neither pattern was likely to lead to a healthy relationship.

God wasn't sabotaging those relationships.

I was choosing them.

That realization was humbling, but it was also freeing.

Because if my choices had contributed to my situation, then God wasn't my enemy.

2. I Examined My Motives

I also asked myself a difficult question:

Why did I want marriage so badly?

Of course, most women desire love, family, and companionship.

But I wanted to go deeper than that.

I realized that my desire for marriage wasn't rooted in manipulation, greed, or selfish ambition.

I wanted to love someone.

Build a family.

Create a home.

Invest in children.

Those aren't sinful desires.

They're deeply human desires.

So why would a loving God punish me for wanting something good?

The more I thought about it, the less sense that idea made.

3. I Accepted God's Forgiveness

For a long time, part of me wondered if God was making me pay for mistakes I'd made in previous relationships.

Maybe this was my consequence.

Maybe this was my punishment.

But that belief didn't line up with the God I saw in Scripture.

The Gospel is built on forgiveness.

If God forgives, then He forgives.

He doesn't hold our sins over our heads indefinitely while pretending we've been set free.

At some point, I had to decide whether I believed in God's grace or not.

What I Know Now

I'd love to tell you that once I made peace with God, I immediately met my future husband.

I didn't.

I'm still single.

But something far more important changed.

I stopped viewing God as my opponent.

I stopped treating Him like a reluctant gatekeeper who was withholding happiness from me.

And I found peace.

Not because I got what I wanted.

But because I stopped fighting an imaginary battle with God.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is learning to trust God's character, even when you don't understand His timing.

I still desire marriage.

But I no longer believe my singleness is evidence that God is angry with me.

And that has given me something I desperately needed:

Peace.

At this point in my life, I'd rather have peace and be single than live in constant turmoil trying to earn God's approval.

Because the truth is, His approval was never something I had to earn in the first place.

If you're struggling to heal from heartbreak, I created a free training called ABC's of Healing to help you move forward with hope and peace:

👉 https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/abcsofhealing

Question: Have you ever believed that God was punishing you because you were still single?