How to Increase Your Value
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
In economics, the principle of scarcity tells us that hard-to-get products are perceived by the market to have a higher value. In other words, we tend to want what we can’t have, and we’re willing to pay more to get it.
Goods that are in ample supply - like potato chips - are priced relatively low. They’re seen as commodities and are therefore worth less to us.
Scarcity is why Starbucks only offers that Pumpkin Spice Latte in the autumn. It drives demand. We know we can’t get it any other time. If we could, it wouldn’t be exciting. You may like the Caramel Macchiato, but it’s not special.
As women, we think men will appreciate us more if we are readily available and “there for them.”
However, men are hunters. They enjoy the thrill of the chase.
I live in the deep South, where many men are deer hunters. They will sit in a deer stand...
What Are You Passionate About?
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
Most people can name very few Supreme Court justices, yet they can name all of the Kardashians (and their exes).
I believe we’re living in an “entertainment” culture - we want to be stimulated and we’re constantly looking for the latest info, trending topics, and hot gossip.
I’ve heard my friends say they fear men will find them “boring,” but I say that what makes you interesting is having interests!
While a man may not share your passion for knitting or your joy over your vintage Tupperware collection, most men aren’t worried about the object of your passion - they are intrigued by the fact that you’re passionate about SOMETHING!
When I say, “passionate,” don’t mean sexually (although who doesn’t love that?). I mean that state when you’re in the zone, your face lights up, and you are excited about something. Maybe...
Why Keeping it Real is Sexy
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
A friend of mine recently posted in a dating group: “What should I say when a man asks me what I like to read.”
My answer: be authentic - what do you like to read?
In surveys, men report confidence as being the number one sexiest trait a woman can possess. Number two is authenticity.
What does it mean to be authentic? When you’re authentic, you are being real. You’re truthful. You’re genuine. I mean, don’t take that to the extreme, but stop trying to figure out what he wants to hear!
The reason men are attracted to authenticity is because an authentic woman is a confident woman with healthy boundaries and an intact sense of self-worth.
Authentic women are straight-shooters and men respect that! Men say authenticity is important to them, but first let’s understand what authenticity is NOT:
Authenticity is NOT bombarding him with ALL of the truth RIGHT AWAY. Telling someone...
Quit Settling for Basic Treatment
by Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
Netflix and chill.
Hanging out.
Just kicking it.
These are the low-value situations women are finding themselves in. Sadly, they rarely lead to the care and commitment most women over 40 desire.
Certainly, if you are NOT interested in marriage, these scenarios are perfect! But, if you long for long-term commitment in the form of marriage, these paths are dead ends.
I teach at a university, and many of my girls have accepted “Netflix and chill” or “hanging out” as the way to build a relationship. This teaches the guys that they don’t have to put forth any effort to get a girl.
In this demographic climate, there are many more single, professional women over 40 than there are single, professional men over 40. This leaves single women feeling like they need to go along with a man’s low-effort plan in order to “get a husband.” But, when you let...
Learn to Receive!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
One of the mistakes I’ve made in past dating relationships has been giving too much.
Marianne Williamson says, quoting A Course in Miracles, “Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation.”
I took that to mean that if I wanted a man to compliment me, I should compliment him. If I wanted a man to be generous with me, I should be generous with him. If I wanted a man to feel cared for, I should do things for him to make his life easier.
This was a complete misunderstanding of what Ms. Williamson was saying.
While it’s true that women are nurturers, in a male-female relationship, it’s the man who gives. Think about sex: the man “gives,” and the woman “receives.”
The same is true outside the bedroom.
When women initiate the giving, or give more than the man gives, that is masculine behavior.
Dr. Pat Allen says you can’t have 2 feminine...
How to Be the Confident, Sexy Woman Men Say They Want
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
For years, men have reported that confidence is one of the traits that makes a woman “sexy.” A woman may be beautiful, but if she’s insecure and needy, that will diminish her sexiness in a man’s eyes.
We all want to be more confident. From my college students to the groups of professionals I speak to, one of the most requested topics I speak on is confidence. It seems we all want to feel more confident!
What is confidence? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “confident” as, “Full of conviction; certain; having or showing assurance and self-reliance.”
I like this definition because it’s based on self-reliance, not on external circumstances or the opinions of others.
As single women, it can be difficult to feel confident - especially when you’re over 40. If you’re like me, and you’ve never...
So Start Acting Like It!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
I recently heard Steve Harvey tell a woman, “Quit acting like he’s the prize! YOU’RE the prize!”
She was trying to figure out how to get this man to want her, and Steve said, “Ladies - y’all need to quit acting like men are the prize. YOU are the prize!”
That really hit me.
In this demographic, there are more single, professional women than single, professional men.
Women all over the country complain about the dearth of good men. In this setting, it’s easy for women to get into the mindset that we need to “find a good man.” We say our girlfriend is “lucky she found such a great guy.”
We’re willing to negotiate and settle for less than we truly want because we’re afraid something better may never come along.
We put up with men who are disrespectful; men who won’t commit; men who don’t call when they...
NOW Is the Time!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
Many of us single ladies want to find our Boaz. Our Prince Charming. Our Mr. Right.
But, are YOU a Good Thing? Are you His Fairy Princess? Are you Ms. Right?
We all think we are that Good Thing, but you’re NOT if you are a mess, honey!
I’ve gone on dates with men who turned out to be between jobs, recently unemployed, in debt, recently separated, and a host of other dramas. I wanted to say, “Get Your S2G (get your s**t together!) and THEN look for a woman!”
While men don’t evaluate women on the same grounds that women use to evaluate men, men do want someone who has her S2G.
You don’t need to earn his level of income. You don’t necessarily need to own your own home. You don’t need to be perfect.
But you do need to be a Good Thing. Yes, men love to fix things, but a healthy man is looking for a partner, not a project.
Here are some areas...
What's The Point?
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
When I’m teaching my college students about business ethics, we cover the topic of “situational ethics.”
Situational ethics are values that change with the circumstances. For example, you may say it’s wrong to commit adultery, but it’s okay if the partners don’t love each other and are “only staying together legally for the children.”
As single women, it can be frustrating when we see others doing “the wrong thing” but getting rewarded.
I don’t date married men, but I’ve known plenty of women who do and whose lovers left their wives!
It’s not only in dating. Maybe there’s that coworker who cuts corners and is dishonest, but she gets a promotion. Or your child loses a spot on the cheerleading team because the daughter of the coach’s best friend tried out. - your kid was clearly superior, but she lost out because...
It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.
Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce. I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce. This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.
Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.
I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together. The breakup was very painful and stressful.
Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married. That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!
But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?
We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date...
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