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Even If Other People DO Talk About You

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Do you hate doing things alone because you feel embarrassed?

You’re not alone.  On the front page of the Wall Street Journal on Tuesday, June 5, 2018, Ms. Claire Wixted was quoted as saying (about going to a movie alone), “Are [other moviegoers] judging me like some dateless freak?”

The article goes on to report that many solo moviegoers have learned they prefer going to the movies alone because they can sit where they want, eat what they want, and not have to listen to someone else’s chatter. 

Coincidentally, the same day Dear Abby had a question from a man whose wife talks through the movies, and he’s fed up with going to the theater with her!

I live in a small, Southern town.  One time, I told someone I had just returned from vacationing by myself in Cancun. 

Her reaction: I would NEVER do that! 

Her declaration really hurt - I...

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The Single Girl’s Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Here we go: another Valentine’s Day.  This article is straight-up written for my single girlfriends out there.  Ladies, these Do’s and Don’ts will help you survive Valentine’s Day (and maybe even enjoy it (gasp)!).

DO keep Valentine’s Day in perspective.  Remember: Valentine’s Day is basically a manufactured holiday designed to sell you things.  V-Day is a major revenue generator for card companies, florists, candy makers, restaurants, jewelers, and retailers who sell cards, flowers, candy, or jewelry. 

The fact that we are so dialed in to Valentine’s Day is a testament to the power of marketing (which I am fine with, as a trained and experienced marketing expert). 

In terms of our economy, I hope to see lots of Valentine’s Day gifts around me because spending will help us continue...

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But Only If You want a Good Relationship

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you’re single and you’re over 40, you’ve probably been asked if (or told that) you’re too picky.

Like, you shouldn’t have any standards.  After all, you’re over 40 - you need to be more accepting because nobody’s perfect.

I find it interesting that when you go to the grocery store, you examine the produce because you don’t want to pick the tomatoes that are squished, or the apples that are bruised, or the lemons that are mildewy. 

But, God forbid that you have standards for a relationship!

I was dating a guy and learned that he had been divorced 4 times and had declared personal bankruptcy twice.  I told one of my friends I was going to dump him, and her response was that I was too focused on money.

OK - broke in your 20’s, starting out with nothing and building something together is romantic. 

...

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And a Better Way to See Things

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Have you ever wondered what was wrong with you that you were still single?

I spent a lot of years and money trying to figure out why I could never have a successful relationship. 

I would start therapy sessions with a new counselor with the instruction that we needed to determine what was wrong with me and fix it so I could get married.

I read every relationship book, listened to every dating podcast, tried every self-improvement hack.  I wondered if I was not thin enough, not pretty enough, not elusive enough, too elusive.

When I was 40, I considered that maybe something was just wrong with me - like the wiring in my brain must be deeply flawed.  So flawed that nobody could figure it out, but clearly there was something wrong with me that was the cause of my singleness. 

It wasn’t visible: I have a good figure, I keep myself up, I look way younger than my actual...

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And How to Stop Obsessing About It

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Have you even wondered why “he” chose “her”? 

This wondering may show up in two scenarios:

(a) you wonder why that man (guy you know, celebrity, athlete) chose the woman he’s with; or,

(b) you wonder why the man you wanted (or were with) chose someone else.

Let’s focus on Scenario B today: “your” guy chose her instead of you.

I was dating someone once, and right after we broke up, he started seeing someone who had a less-than-sterling reputation.

To the outsider, it’s clear that his interesting choice had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own character.

But when you’re inside the scenario, it’s normal to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.

I think there are two issues here:

1. He doesn’t want to be with you
2. He does want to be with her

They may be correlated, but not...

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That Don’t Involve Snarkiness or Social Media

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

“Men come and go, but your friends are forever.”  This is B.S.

I used to believe this.  Early on, I’d had the experience where I chose a man over my friends, and - as we all know - when the relationship ended, I had no gal pals to comfort or support me.

The older I’ve gotten, I’ve kept my girlfriends close and always made time for them. 

One of my friends and I had a standing Friday night “date.”  We’d go do a kickboxing workout, then get smoothies. 

I was dating someone very seriously, and whenever he’d ask for Friday night, I told him I had plans. 

In a year, I canceled on my friend 4 times because of out-of-town trips with him or some special event.

When she would latch on to a new guy, she’d ditch me and I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks. 

Once, when she was...

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How to Save Yourself From the Terror of Singleness

by Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the popular sayings we hear as singles is, “There’s someone for everyone.” 

Another favorite: “Every pot has a lid.” 

If you’re in the Christian community, people will quote Psalm 37:4: “If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

We wander through our singleness, wanting a relationship, always waiting for that one person who will “complete” us.  Thanks, Jerry Maguire.

What if there ISN’T someone for everyone?  What if your pot doesn’t have a lid? 

What if God never gives you the desires of your heart?

One of my girlfriends always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  She is a dutiful daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend.  She nursed her father through his cancer, and has taken...

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It's Good To Want A Relationship

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Shouldn’t I Be OK With Being Single?

Our society tells us that men and women are interchangeable.  I actually saw an article that explicitly said that.  Women don’t need men, it said.  

So, if you feel like you need a relationship, there must be something wrong with you. 

You’re weak. 

You’re falling for the Hollywood fairytale that you need Prince Charming to come save you, right?

I always felt like such a phony when I would tell people, “I don’t need a man!” 

In my heart, I felt like I did need a man and a relationship. 

All of my self-help books (and Oprah) told me I was a complete person, but I felt like something big was missing. 

But I didn’t want to tell anyone that, because it sounded so anti-feminist. 

How could a successful career woman want a husband that would...

Start the New Year Feeling One-Derful

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I love New Year’s!  Even though the holiday season is not my favorite time of year, I absolutely love the New Year.  I’m a planner and a goal-setter, so the idea of a fresh start and the opportunity to dream and plan for the next 12 months is very exciting to me.

Over the years, I have created a One-Derful New Year’s Eve tradition that I prefer over any party, date, or event.  Even if these suggestions don’t resonate with you, you can create your own New Year’s Eve that will be One-Derful and that will help you feel peaceful, happy, and excited about the year to come.

A big part of my New Year’s tradition includes journaling. 

I’ve kept a journal since college, and I normally journal every morning, although I will write more often if I’m experiencing something in my life that I need to reflect upon or process. 

If you don’t journal,...

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Sounds Like Work (And It Feels Like Work)

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you’ve read anything about dating, you may have heard the term “duty dating.”  This phrase was coined by Dr. Pat Allen, and the idea is that you go on dates with several men - even if you’re not necessarily interested in them.

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has a similar approach: a pair and a spare.  Two guys you really like, and one that you think is nice, but may not really be Mr. Right.

The reason to duty date is that it keeps you “out there,” not getting hung up on one guy.  It allows you to “practice” dating and to keep meeting men because you never know when you’ll meet The One.

Many times, women take themselves off the market when they meet someone they like, but then when it doesn’t work out, they have wasted time and energy and feel more hurt because he was the focus of their...