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That Don’t Involve Snarkiness or Social Media

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

“Men come and go, but your friends are forever.”  This is B.S.

I used to believe this.  Early on, I’d had the experience where I chose a man over my friends, and - as we all know - when the relationship ended, I had no gal pals to comfort or support me.

The older I’ve gotten, I’ve kept my girlfriends close and always made time for them. 

One of my friends and I had a standing Friday night “date.”  We’d go do a kickboxing workout, then get smoothies. 

I was dating someone very seriously, and whenever he’d ask for Friday night, I told him I had plans. 

In a year, I canceled on my friend 4 times because of out-of-town trips with him or some special event.

When she would latch on to a new guy, she’d ditch me and I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks. 

Once, when she was...

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How to Save Yourself From the Terror of Singleness

by Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the popular sayings we hear as singles is, “There’s someone for everyone.” 

Another favorite: “Every pot has a lid.” 

If you’re in the Christian community, people will quote Psalm 37:4: “If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

We wander through our singleness, wanting a relationship, always waiting for that one person who will “complete” us.  Thanks, Jerry Maguire.

What if there ISN’T someone for everyone?  What if your pot doesn’t have a lid? 

What if God never gives you the desires of your heart?

One of my girlfriends always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  She is a dutiful daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend.  She nursed her father through his cancer, and has taken...

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It's Good To Want A Relationship

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Shouldn’t I Be OK With Being Single?

Our society tells us that men and women are interchangeable.  I actually saw an article that explicitly said that.  Women don’t need men, it said.  

So, if you feel like you need a relationship, there must be something wrong with you. 

You’re weak. 

You’re falling for the Hollywood fairytale that you need Prince Charming to come save you, right?

I always felt like such a phony when I would tell people, “I don’t need a man!” 

In my heart, I felt like I did need a man and a relationship. 

All of my self-help books (and Oprah) told me I was a complete person, but I felt like something big was missing. 

But I didn’t want to tell anyone that, because it sounded so anti-feminist. 

How could a successful career woman want a husband that would...

Start the New Year Feeling One-Derful

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I love New Year’s!  Even though the holiday season is not my favorite time of year, I absolutely love the New Year.  I’m a planner and a goal-setter, so the idea of a fresh start and the opportunity to dream and plan for the next 12 months is very exciting to me.

Over the years, I have created a One-Derful New Year’s Eve tradition that I prefer over any party, date, or event.  Even if these suggestions don’t resonate with you, you can create your own New Year’s Eve that will be One-Derful and that will help you feel peaceful, happy, and excited about the year to come.

A big part of my New Year’s tradition includes journaling. 

I’ve kept a journal since college, and I normally journal every morning, although I will write more often if I’m experiencing something in my life that I need to reflect upon or process. 

If you don’t journal,...

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Sounds Like Work (And It Feels Like Work)

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you’ve read anything about dating, you may have heard the term “duty dating.”  This phrase was coined by Dr. Pat Allen, and the idea is that you go on dates with several men - even if you’re not necessarily interested in them.

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has a similar approach: a pair and a spare.  Two guys you really like, and one that you think is nice, but may not really be Mr. Right.

The reason to duty date is that it keeps you “out there,” not getting hung up on one guy.  It allows you to “practice” dating and to keep meeting men because you never know when you’ll meet The One.

Many times, women take themselves off the market when they meet someone they like, but then when it doesn’t work out, they have wasted time and energy and feel more hurt because he was the focus of their...

Free Your Friends By Detaching

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I think we’ve all had the experience of the friend who gets a new man, then you don’t hear from her unless he’s out of town or they break up.

If you’re like most of us, maybe you’ve been that friend!  In my younger days, I would ditch a friend to accept a last-minute date with a guy.  Or, I’d go on a date even if I was sick with a terrible cold, but cancel on a girlfriend because I was tired or just “didn’t feel like” going.

It is completely natural to want to spend every possible moment with your Mr. Right.  It’s easy to let your friendships slip away and just focus in on your beloved.  Part of that is how we’re wired as women, but we also need our girlfriends!  And not just the ones we double date with!

What if you and your beloved break up?  Many times, the couple you hung out with feel like they have to choose sides, and...

Yes, There is Such a Thing as Being Too Nice

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I thought I was been nice.  Accommodating. Flexible.

Turns out, I was being a doormat.

Most people wouldn’t think of me as a “doormat” type of girl.  I’m confident, I’m sassy, and I have informed opinions.

I also don’t want people to be mad at me, and therefore I tend to prioritize the happiness of others over my own.

I didn’t want to be perceived as “difficult” or “high maintenance,” lest a man not want to be bothered with my needs or desires.

I was dating someone once who was an avid deer hunter.  It was deer season, and we had a dinner date scheduled for 6:30pm.  He texted that he needed to move it to 7 - he was going hunting.  Then, 7:30 - he was still in the deer stand.  Finally, at 8:30, he arrived to pick me up.

I like to eat dinner early.  I’ve never been a fan of 9pm dinners.

Did I say...

The One Thing I Hated in Life is the Only Thing That Could Bring Me Happiness

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In Part 1, we looked at how singleness was the only way I could have what I truly craved: a sense of wholeness and completion.

In his book, The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday uses the Roman philosophy of stoicism to teach the idea that the problem is actually the solution.  In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (a noted stoic) writes, “The impediment to action advances action.  What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Let’s say you’re unemployed and can’t find a job.  Your lack of income forces you to get creative, so you bake some of your grandmother’s chocolate cupcakes and sell them for $1 each.  The cupcakes are such a hit, you take the money and buy more ingredients for more cupcakes.  The more you sell, the more the word spreads about your amazing cupcakes.  Before long, you have enough business...

How The One Thing I Hated Gave Me What I Wanted Most

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I struggled with feelings of not being complete or whole.  

I’ve always wanted to be married and have a family, so being single has always left a huge void in my life.  When you desire a husband and children, getting a dog or babysitting for friends just isn’t an acceptable substitute.

Even though I knew intellectually that I didn’t need a man to complete me, I want what women are biologically programmed to want: a partner and a family.  Friends, volunteer work, and pets just don’t fill that need.  They can be a lovely distraction, but they’re not the same as a husband and a family of one’s own.

Meanwhile, I found something interesting in James 1:2-4.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must...

Ladies Inspire Others!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

This is the second part of our Be A Lady series. Click here to read Part 1.

A lady takes care of herself.  Ladies don’t shlump around town in their sweats.  They wouldn’t be caught running out for a quick coffee in their ratty t-shirt and pajama pants. 

I recently saw a photo of a movie star wearing paint-splattered jeans.  And not in an haute-couture kind of paint-splattered style.  They were old, paint-splattered jeans.  Not cute, and not flattering.  Those may be fine for when you’re home (painting), but when you go out, throw on a pair of well-fitting leggings or skinny jeans.

I used to NEVER leave my house in anything lower than a 3-inch heel.  Today, I’d rather wear my cute Vans (hello, leopard print!) or my ballerina flats, or my clean, cute sneakers.  Even if I’m wearing what I’ll wear to my yoga class later, my...