How to Be the Confident, Sexy Woman Men Say They Want

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, men have reported that confidence is one of the traits that makes a woman “sexy.”  A woman may be beautiful, but if she’s insecure and needy, that will diminish her sexiness in a man’s eyes.

We all want to be more confident.  From my college students to the groups of professionals I speak to, one of the most requested topics I speak on is confidence.  It seems we all want to feel more confident!

What is confidence?  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “confident” as, “Full of conviction; certain; having or showing assurance and self-reliance.”  

I like this definition because it’s based on self-reliance, not on external circumstances or the opinions of others.

As single women, it can be difficult to feel confident - especially when you’re over 40.  If you’re like me, and you’ve never...

NOW Is the Time!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Many of us single ladies want to find our Boaz.  Our Prince Charming.  Our Mr. Right.

But, are YOU a Good Thing?  Are you His Fairy Princess? Are you Ms. Right?

We all think we are that Good Thing, but you’re NOT if you are a mess, honey!

I’ve gone on dates with men who turned out to be between jobs, recently unemployed, in debt, recently separated, and a host of other dramas.  I wanted to say, “Get Your S2G (get your s**t together!) and THEN look for a woman!”

While men don’t evaluate women on the same grounds that women use to evaluate men, men do want someone who has her S2G.

You don’t need to earn his level of income.  You don’t necessarily need to own your own home.  You don’t need to be perfect.

But you do need to be a Good Thing.  Yes, men love to fix things, but a healthy man is looking for a partner, not a project. 

Here are some areas...

This is for me, but you’re welcome to read along, Friend!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know you need boundaries.  And, most of us think we’re pretty good at setting them.  This is true: we’re good at setting boundaries; where we stink is in protecting the boundaries.

How many times have you said (to yourself or to others), the next time X happens, I’m going to Y.  And then you don’t follow through with Y.  You draw a line in the sand, and then you step back and draw another line.

There are many good books on boundaries.   One of my favorites is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  They have several follow-up books, including Boundaries in Dating, which I highly recommend.

Setting a boundary is easy.  It’s being willing to deliver the consequences for a boundary violation that can be difficult.  Especially if the...

Relax - That’s Good News!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

There’s a line in Elizabeth, starring Cate Blanchett, where one of Queen Elizabeth’s advisors tell her, “Men want to touch the Divine.”  He was saying that men want someone to inspire them.  Someone they can fight for and impress and please.

I think we all want that, actually.  Who among us doesn’t want a hero?  Don’t we all want someone we can look up to, believe in, follow?

In case you’re worried because you feel like you are the absolute opposite of a goddess, I have good news for you.  Men generally see women as goddesses.  They see us as soft, beautiful, mysterious creatures who are very different from them.  They know we’re not perfect, but they want us anyway.

While it’s true that there are men who hate women, the majority of men are intrigued by women.  That is, until we discourage them or destroy their...

Be the director, not the starving artist!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A popular technique used by PUA’s (pick up artists, if you’re not familiar with the term) is to “neg” women.  This is where they give you a backhanded compliment (“You’re pretty, for a redhead.”) or they express “concerns” about dating you.  (“I’ve heard you’re a Dragon Lady and I don’t want to get hurt.”) 

These tactics are designed to get a woman to work hard to gain the guy’s approval or to show him she’s not what he’s accusing her of.  

One guy told me he was concerned about us dating because I have a Master’s degree and he “mopped floors in college.”  (By the way, like most college students, I worked a variety of low-paying, menial jobs, too!). This caused me to launch into sales mode to convince him we had a lot in common.

Another time, he said...

You're the Prize -  Start Acting Like It!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I recently heard Steve Harvey tell a woman, “Quit acting like he’s the prize!  YOU’RE the prize!”

She was trying to figure out how to get this man to want her, and Steve said, “Ladies - y’all need to quit acting like men are the prize.  YOU are the prize!”

That really hit me.

In this demographic, there are more single, professional women than single, professional men. 

Women all over the country complain about the dearth of good men. In this setting, it’s easy for women to get into the mindset that we need to “find a good man.”  We say our girlfriend is “lucky she found such a great guy.” 

We’re willing to negotiate and settle for less than we truly want because we’re afraid something better may never come along.

We put up with men who are disrespectful; men who won’t commit; men who...

Learn to Receive!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

One of the mistakes I’ve made in past dating relationships has been giving too much. 

Marianne Williamson says, quoting A Course in Miracles, “Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation.”

I took that to mean that if I wanted a man to compliment me, I should compliment him.  If I wanted a man to be generous with me, I should be generous with him.  If I wanted a man to feel cared for, I should do things for him to make his life easier.

This was a complete misunderstanding of what Ms. Williamson was saying.

While it’s true that women are nurturers, in a male-female relationship, it’s the man who gives.  Think about sex: the man “gives,” and the woman “receives.”

The same is true outside the bedroom.

When women initiate the giving, or give more than the man gives, that is masculine behavior. 

Dr. Pat Allen says you can’t have 2 feminine...