MaryDittman.com

You May Be Giving Too Much: Learning to Receive in Relationships

One of the most common mistakes I’ve made in dating relationships is giving too much.

For a long time, I believed that if I simply modeled the behavior I wanted, a man would naturally follow suit. If I wanted him to compliment me, I would compliment him. If I wanted him to be generous, I would be generous first. If I wanted him to feel cared for, I would go out of my way to make his life easier.

I even justified this approach spiritually.

Marianne Williamson, quoting A Course in Miracles, says, “Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation.” I took that to mean that if something was missing, it was my job to give more.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I had misunderstood the message entirely.

While women are naturally nurturing, healthy romantic relationships thrive on polarity. In a male–female dynamic, the masculine energy leads through giving, and the feminine energy receives. Think about intimacy: the man gives; the woman receives. That dynamic doesn’...

You Don’t Need to Settle

Why High Standards Protect a Tender Heart
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Just because a man shows up doesn’t mean he’s supposed to be in your life.

One evening, I went to a basketball game at the university where I teach. I tried to get a couple of girlfriends to go with me, but no one was available — so I went by myself.

During the second half of the game, a friend stopped by and asked if I was dating anyone. When I told him I wasn’t, he said he wanted to set me up with his brother.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I was sitting across the table from that brother on a dinner date.

He was charming. Funny. Shared my faith. He had two kids, seemed stable — and yes, he was super cute. I really liked him.

I remember thinking, Wow… good thing I went to that game alone.
If I’d been with friends, this never would’ve happened.

It felt like proof that patience and positivity had finally paid off.
Maybe the universe was rewarding me. Maybe this was meant to be.

We went on a coup

...

Thoughts From a Former Doormat

I thought I was being nice. Accommodating. Flexible.

Turns out, I was being a doormat.

Most people wouldn’t think of me as a “doormat” type of girl. I’m confident, I’m sassy, and I have informed opinions.

I also don’t want people to be mad at me, and therefore I tend to prioritize the happiness of others over my own.

This was totally in line with my Christian upbringing, which taught me that everybody else comes first. A popular church saying when I was growing up was, “JOY stands for Jesus, Others, You.” You come last.

Is that what God wants? Does He want us to erase ourselves in the name of being “good”?

I don’t think so. As Christian women, we are to put our relationship with the Lord first. We are to follow His lead. When you read about Jesus’ interactions with people, He gave out of His loving willingness to do so. But we are also told that he often withdrew to “lonely places” to pray. He did not change His plan based on other people’s desires.

Case in point: when...

You Need to "Be Picky"

Listen to this episode

But Only If You want a Good Relationship

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you’re single and you’re over 40, you’ve probably been asked if (or told that) you’re too picky.

Like, you shouldn’t have any standards. After all, you’re over 40 - you need to be more accepting because nobody’s perfect.

I find it interesting that when you go to the grocery store, you examine the produce because you don’t want to pick the tomatoes that are squished, or the apples that are bruised, or the lemons that are mildewy.

But, God forbid that you have standards for a relationship!

I was dating a guy and learned that he had been divorced 4 times and had declared personal bankruptcy twice. I told one of my friends I was going to dump him, and her response was that I was too focused on money.

OK - broke in your 20’s, starting out with nothing and building something together is romantic.

Bankrupt in your 40’s with 4 divorces (FOUR!), 3 kids, child support, and no retirement ...

You May Be Giving Too Much: Learning to Receive in Relationships

You Don’t Need to Settle

Why High Standards Protect a Tender Heart By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Thoughts From a Former Doormat

You Need to "Be Picky"

Get Weekly Tips for Living a One-Derful Life!

Why High Standards Protect a Tender Heart
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.