It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.

Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce.  I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce.  This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.

Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.

I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together.  The breakup was very painful and stressful.

Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married.  That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!

But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?

We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date or one decade.

Recently, I asked a friend how her college-age daughter ...

Be the director, not the starving artist!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A popular technique used by PUA’s (pick up artists, if you’re not familiar with the term) is to “neg” women.  This is where they give you a backhanded compliment (“You’re pretty, for a redhead.”) or they express “concerns” about dating you.  (“I’ve heard you’re a Dragon Lady and I don’t want to get hurt.”) 

These tactics are designed to get a woman to work hard to gain the guy’s approval or to show him she’s not what he’s accusing her of.  

One guy told me he was concerned about us dating because I have a Master’s degree and he “mopped floors in college.”  (By the way, like most college students, I worked a variety of low-paying, menial jobs, too!). This caused me to launch into sales mode to convince him we had a lot in common.

Another time, he said he didn’t know if I would want to hang out with him and his friends because I don’t drink.  Again, this caused me to launch into how I have many friends who ...

Too many duds, and not enough studs!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

The most recent statistic in the United States is that approximately 1/3 of couples who marry meet on an online dating site.  And, I agree that some people do have successful outcomes from dating online.  What we don’t know is the percentage of online matches that result in marriage - I am confident that number is well below 30%.

I do believe that online dating has some benefits.

First, online dating is representative of offline dating - there are good guys and not-so-good guys no matter where you go.

Second, online dating allows you to get out of your normal routine.  If you go from work to gym to home to church, you’re not necessarily going to meet new people.  Online dating creates the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never cross paths with.

Third, online dating can allow you to meet people in other locations.  If you’re comfortable with long-distance relationships, you can date someone who live...

Why you need to do a background check

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Whirlwind courtships seem so romantic!

Remember when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were engaged, living together, buying pets, and getting tattoos?  Before we knew it, it was over.

I’ve fallen for the whirlwind romance, and it has ALWAYS ended in heartbreak.

I love how women (and men) suddenly develop ESP when dating: “You just KNOW when it’s right.”  How about just KNOWING the right lottery numbers?  Or just KNOWING your boss is about to reprimand you?

One of my girlfriends was shocked to find out her husband had a criminal record (a serious, felony record).  They married after dating for 3 months, and she was gobsmacked that he hadn’t disclosed this.

Many times, men who want to rush things are doing so because they are racing against the clock.  They want you legally committed to them before you find out who they really are.  By the way - I found his criminal record with ONE Google search (sadly, I didn’t kno...

Stop Settling for Less than Marriage

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Why are we so shocked?

Recently, there was a news item where a reality star’s baby-daddy cheated on her with one of her friends.  Sadly, this was the second time he’d done it; the first was while the starlet was pregnant with his child. 

As women, we find this behavior shocking and deplorable.

But, if a man isn’t committed enough to you to marry you, he’s not going to be committed enough to stay faithful.  Whether or not you have a baby with him is irrelevant.

“Married men cheat, too,” you may be saying.  Yes - but it’s more likely that they were committed to their wife at some point (unless he married her for reasons other than wanting to be with her for the rest of his life).

Another reality star had 3 children with her longtime boyfriend.  They were on-again-off-again, and she was chronically unhappy with his drinking and partying.  He took very little interest in being a responsible parent or partner.  He star...

The Emotional High that Will Bring You Down

Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Isn’t it amazing how women suddenly develop ESP when they meet a new guy?  

Suddenly, they just “know” he’s “The One.”  Your perfectly rational, intelligent friend gets married to a man she’s known for 3 months because, as she puts it, “When you know, you know.”

But, what do you really “know” after only a few months?  This “knowing” is based on strong feelings.  The problem with strong feelings is that they feel real, but that doesn’t make them true.

There is an overwhelming amount of scientific evidence about how new love (infatuation) affects the brain.  Similar to cocaine, the emotional high of a new romance triggers dopamine - the “feel good” hormone that makes us super-energized and leaves us feeling like we can conquer the world on only four hours of sleep.  Everything seems more colorful, and we feel more “alive,” which helps us believe our new man has brought meaning into our lives.

Add to that the oxy...

What Gambling Taught Me About Dating

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Have you ever looked back on something and thought, “I should have known better?”

Most of us have.  So why is it so hard to recognize a potentially damaging situation when you’re in it?

Even if we don’t learn from our own experiences, it would be ideal if we could learn from others’ experiences.  Cautionary tales can spare us a lot of grief, but we frequently believe we are the exception rather than the rule.  

We all know dating a married man is heartache waiting to happen.  But most women who get into that situation will believe that THEY are the exception.  THEY are the one the guy will leave his wife for.  THEY are the one who will get a happy ending.  THEY aren’t being strung along by a man who has zero intention of leaving his marriage.

I have watched several of my girlfriends get involved with men who were separated and in the process of divorce.  For them, it worked out and they were married inside of a ye...

And How You Can Have Peace

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I used to believe that my singleness was beyond my control.  Perhaps I was “meant” to be single for some cosmic reason.  Or, there was just something wrong with me that I couldn’t identify (and couldn’t fix).  Maybe I just had bad luck.

Today, I believe my singleness is an outcome of my own beliefs and behaviors.  Because I had beliefs about being single that didn’t serve me, I behaved in ways that were guaranteed to keep me single (even though I didn’t recognize that at the time). 

A Course in Miracles says that, “The ego’s dictate in love is to be always seeking, but never finding.”  That phrase really resonated with me.

 I’m well over 40, and one of the perspectives age brings is the ability to look back and see how our behavior has created consequences that we didn’t anticipate. 

I wasted years in relationships with men who told me early on they didn’t want to get married.  I stayed in the relationship.  Not because I ho...

The First Step in Creating a One-Derful Life

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I used to feel that my singleness was something that was happening TO me.  Because I disliked being single, it felt like bad luck, or bad karma, or some kind of punishment.

I blamed many things in turn: my parents, my ex-boyfriends, lack of quality men, myself, the Universe.

I spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Why couldn’t I find a husband?  I only wanted what most women want: a loving marriage and a family of my own.  I didn’t have unrealistically high standards.  (Okay - I had pitifully low standards, but more on that another time.)

With every failed relationship I felt more and more like a victim of some cosmic prank.

I think we can all look at something in our past that messed us up.  Perhaps it was a person or situation from our childhood.  Maybe it was in our formative adolescent years.  Possibly even in adulthood.

One of the most powerful steps I took in making peace with bei...

How to Quit Being the Basic Groupie

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In The Rules 2”, the sequel to the best-selling relationship book, The Rules, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider advise the reader not to “Waste Time on Fantasy Relationships.”

This sounds like a no-brainer, but a lot of us find ourselves in fantasy relationships all the time.

See if you recognize any of these scenarios:

• The guy at the gym who always runs on the treadmill next to you - even when there are plenty of other ones open.  He compliments you, asks about your life, but never asks you out.  You figure he’s shy, and you’re wondering if you should suggest a post-workout smoothie.
• The guy at work (or school) who always smiles at you, asks how you’re doing, flirts with you, and seems to make up excuses to talk to you.  But, he hasn’t asked for your phone number or suggested going out to dinner.  You think he’s afraid of things “getting weird,” so you want to take the lead so he knows you like him.
• The guy who f
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