3 Reasons Why You'll Never Be Good Enough for a Relationship

 

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And a Better Way to See Things

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Have you ever wondered what was wrong with you that you were still single?

I spent a lot of years and money trying to figure out why I could never have a successful relationship. 

I would start therapy sessions with a new counselor with the instruction that we needed to determine what was wrong with me and fix it so I could get married.

I read every relationship book, listened to every dating podcast, tried every self-improvement hack.  I wondered if I was not thin enough, not pretty enough, not elusive enough, too elusive.

When I was 40, I considered that maybe something was just wrong with me - like the wiring in my brain must be deeply flawed.  So flawed that nobody could figure it out, but clearly there was something wrong with me that was the cause of my singleness. 

It wasn’t visible: I have a good figure, I keep myself up, I look way younger than my actual...

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3 Things to Do When Your Friend Ditches You for a Guy

 

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That Don’t Involve Snarkiness or Social Media

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

“Men come and go, but your friends are forever.”  This is B.S.

I used to believe this.  Early on, I’d had the experience where I chose a man over my friends, and - as we all know - when the relationship ended, I had no gal pals to comfort or support me.

The older I’ve gotten, I’ve kept my girlfriends close and always made time for them. 

One of my friends and I had a standing Friday night “date.”  We’d go do a kickboxing workout, then get smoothies. 

I was dating someone very seriously, and whenever he’d ask for Friday night, I told him I had plans. 

In a year, I canceled on my friend 4 times because of out-of-town trips with him or some special event.

When she would latch on to a new guy, she’d ditch me and I wouldn’t hear from her for weeks. 

Once, when she was...

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Stop Giving So Much!

 

Learn to Receive!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

One of the mistakes I’ve made in past dating relationships has been giving too much. 

Marianne Williamson says, quoting A Course in Miracles, “Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation.”

I took that to mean that if I wanted a man to compliment me, I should compliment him.  If I wanted a man to be generous with me, I should be generous with him.  If I wanted a man to feel cared for, I should do things for him to make his life easier.

This was a complete misunderstanding of what Ms. Williamson was saying.

While it’s true that women are nurturers, in a male-female relationship, it’s the man who gives.  Think about sex: the man “gives,” and the woman “receives.”

The same is true outside the bedroom.

When women initiate the giving, or give more than the man gives, that is masculine behavior. 

Dr. Pat Allen says you can’t have 2 feminine...

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How to End Things

 

It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.

Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce.  I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce.  This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.

Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.

I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together.  The breakup was very painful and stressful.

Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married.  That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!

But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?

We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date...

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Why I Don’t Online Date Anymore

 

Too many duds, and not enough studs!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

The most recent statistic in the United States is that approximately 1/3 of couples who marry meet on an online dating site.  And, I agree that some people do have successful outcomes from dating online.  What we don’t know is the percentage of online matches that result in marriage - I am confident that number is well below 30%.

I do believe that online dating has some benefits.

First, online dating is representative of offline dating - there are good guys and not-so-good guys no matter where you go.

Second, online dating allows you to get out of your normal routine.  If you go from work to gym to home to church, you’re not necessarily going to meet new people.  Online dating creates the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never cross paths with.

Third, online dating can allow you to meet people in other locations.  If you’re comfortable with long-distance...

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Do Your Homework

 

Why you need to do a background check

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Whirlwind courtships seem so romantic!

Remember when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were engaged, living together, buying pets, and getting tattoos?  Before we knew it, it was over.

I’ve fallen for the whirlwind romance, and it has ALWAYS ended in heartbreak.

I love how women (and men) suddenly develop ESP when dating: “You just KNOW when it’s right.”  How about just KNOWING the right lottery numbers?  Or just KNOWING your boss is about to reprimand you?

One of my girlfriends was shocked to find out her husband had a criminal record (a serious, felony record).  They married after dating for 3 months, and she was gobsmacked that he hadn’t disclosed this.

Many times, men who want to rush things are doing so because they are racing against the clock.  They want you legally committed to them before you find out who they really are.  By the way - I found his...

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Why Commitment Matters

 

Stop Settling for Less than Marriage

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Why are we so shocked?

Recently, there was a news item where a reality star’s baby-daddy cheated on her with one of her friends.  Sadly, this was the second time he’d done it; the first was while the starlet was pregnant with his child. 

As women, we find this behavior shocking and deplorable.

But, if a man isn’t committed enough to you to marry you, he’s not going to be committed enough to stay faithful.  Whether or not you have a baby with him is irrelevant.

“Married men cheat, too,” you may be saying.  Yes - but it’s more likely that they were committed to their wife at some point (unless he married her for reasons other than wanting to be with her for the rest of his life).

Another reality star had 3 children with her longtime boyfriend.  They were on-again-off-again, and she was chronically unhappy with his drinking and partying.  He took...

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Forgive Your Parents

 

They Probably Did the Best They Could

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Most of us can look back on something our parents did - or didn’t - do and wish it had been different.

My mom confided to me recently that watching my brother and his wife raise their two children is very different from the way she and my dad raised us.  

“We just didn’t know what you know now,” she said.  “We followed the most current advice and the best practices at the time, but now there’s so much more knowledge and information I wish we’d had.”

It’s true.  Forty years later, people raise their children differently than many of us were raised.

Maybe you don’t have any issues about how you were raised - that’s great.  This may not be for you, or you may be able to apply it to another situation in your life.

I’ve had a number of men complain about women’s baggage - it’s the bitterness and the drama they are...

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The Ambiguous Loss of Being Single

 

One Foot In Hope, The Other in Despair

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Recently, my dad shared an article with me from Pepperdine Magazine - the alumni publication from Pepperdine University.

In the article, Kelly Haer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and director of the Relationship IQ program at the Pepperdine Boone Center for the Family, proposes that one of the difficulties singles face is the ambiguous loss that comes from grieving the spouse they don’t have while still hoping they will marry.

Grief and loss are more clearly understood if your married and your partner dies or leaves.  But, the complex grief singles experience that comes from not having found the relationship they desire or the fear that it will never happen.

The article states that for Christians, relying on God’s faithfulness eases the pain, but my experience has been that believing God is “keeping me single for a greater purpose” is far from comforting!

...

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Don’t Be Mean

 

 

The Only Thing Worse than a Mean Girl is a Mean Woman

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

I was a nerd in junior high and high school.  As such, I was regularly teased and made fun of by the popular girls.

Even today, I tend to misunderstand when people are insulting me because I err on the side of giving the benefit of the doubt to others.  I don’t assume that sideways comment was shady until someone else points it out.  Maybe ignorance really is bliss, though!

Meanness seems to be more acceptable today.  Politicians, celebrities, reality stars, and social media trolls don’t seem to be bothered by their own mean behavior.  The anonymity of the internet makes it possible to leave hateful comments without having to take responsibility for the harm they inflict.

Even if someone does call out a celebrity on an inappropriate comment, the response is normally to delete the post and issue an apology, but if you’ve ever been hurt...

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