Be Authentic

 

Why Keeping it Real is Sexy

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

A friend of mine recently posted in a dating group: “What should I say when a man asks me what I like to read.”

My answer: be authentic - what do you like to read?

In surveys, men report confidence as being the number one sexiest trait a woman can possess. Number two is authenticity.

What does it mean to be authentic? When you’re authentic, you are being real. You’re truthful. You’re genuine. I mean, don’t take that to the extreme, but stop trying to figure out what he wants to hear!

The reason men are attracted to authenticity is because an authentic woman is a confident woman with healthy boundaries and an intact sense of self-worth.

Authentic women are straight-shooters and men respect that! Men say authenticity is important to them, but first let’s understand what authenticity is NOT:

Authenticity is NOT bombarding him with ALL of the truth RIGHT AWAY. Telling someone...

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How to Be Confident

 

How to Be the Confident, Sexy Woman Men Say They Want

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, men have reported that confidence is one of the traits that makes a woman “sexy.”  A woman may be beautiful, but if she’s insecure and needy, that will diminish her sexiness in a man’s eyes.

We all want to be more confident.  From my college students to the groups of professionals I speak to, one of the most requested topics I speak on is confidence.  It seems we all want to feel more confident!

What is confidence?  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “confident” as, “Full of conviction; certain; having or showing assurance and self-reliance.”  

I like this definition because it’s based on self-reliance, not on external circumstances or the opinions of others.

As single women, it can be difficult to feel confident - especially when you’re over 40.  If you’re like me, and you’ve never...

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Get Your S2G

 

NOW Is the Time!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Many of us single ladies want to find our Boaz.  Our Prince Charming.  Our Mr. Right.

But, are YOU a Good Thing?  Are you His Fairy Princess? Are you Ms. Right?

We all think we are that Good Thing, but you’re NOT if you are a mess, honey!

I’ve gone on dates with men who turned out to be between jobs, recently unemployed, in debt, recently separated, and a host of other dramas.  I wanted to say, “Get Your S2G (get your s**t together!) and THEN look for a woman!”

While men don’t evaluate women on the same grounds that women use to evaluate men, men do want someone who has her S2G.

You don’t need to earn his level of income.  You don’t necessarily need to own your own home.  You don’t need to be perfect.

But you do need to be a Good Thing.  Yes, men love to fix things, but a healthy man is looking for a partner, not a project. 

Here are some areas...

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Doing the Right Thing

 

Does It Even Matter Anymore?

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

When I’m teaching my college students about business ethics, we cover the topic of “situational ethics.”  

Situational ethics are values that change with the circumstances.  For example, you may say it’s wrong to commit adultery, but it’s okay if the partners don’t love each other and are “only staying together legally for the children.”

As single women, it can be frustrating when we see others doing “the wrong thing” but getting rewarded.  

I don’t date married men, but I’ve known plenty of women who do and whose lovers left their wives!

It’s not only in dating.  Maybe there’s that coworker who cuts corners and is dishonest, but she gets a promotion.  Or your child loses a spot on the cheerleading team because the daughter of the coach’s best friend tried out. - your kid was clearly superior, but she lost...

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How to End Things

 

It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.

Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce.  I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce.  This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.

Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.

I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together.  The breakup was very painful and stressful.

Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married.  That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!

But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?

We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date or one decade.

Recently,...

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What Queen Elizabeth I Has Taught Me About Dating

 

If you’re looking for a dating Tudor, she’s the best!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

 It started with Netflix’s “The Crown.”

 Then it was “Victoria” on Amazon Prime.

 Then it was every movie or miniseries on Queen Elizabeth I that I could find.

 Now I’ve moved on to the English-subtitled Russian TV production of “Ekaterina” (about Catherine the Great).

I’m not sure why I’ve become enamored of history’s great queens, but I suspect it’s because they had to use their wits and charm to survive and maintain control.  In a time when courtiers jockeyed for status and many men believed women were not fit to reign, ruling queens had to be twice as adept at maneuvering than their male counterparts.

I especially admire Queen Elizabeth I, who reigned from 1558-1603.  Sometimes called, “The Virgin Queen,” she never married and she never had children.  She had many...

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Another Blog About Boundaries

 

This is for me, but you’re welcome to read along, Friend!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know you need boundaries.  And, most of us think we’re pretty good at setting them.  This is true: we’re good at setting boundaries; where we stink is in protecting the boundaries.

How many times have you said (to yourself or to others), the next time X happens, I’m going to Y.  And then you don’t follow through with Y.  You draw a line in the sand, and then you step back and draw another line.

There are many good books on boundaries.   One of my favorites is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  They have several follow-up books, including Boundaries in Dating, which I highly recommend.

Setting a boundary is easy.  It’s being willing to deliver the consequences for a boundary violation that can be difficult.  Especially if the other person pushes back....

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Why Commitment Matters

 

Stop Settling for Less than Marriage

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Why are we so shocked?

Recently, there was a news item where a reality star’s baby-daddy cheated on her with one of her friends.  Sadly, this was the second time he’d done it; the first was while the starlet was pregnant with his child. 

As women, we find this behavior shocking and deplorable.

But, if a man isn’t committed enough to you to marry you, he’s not going to be committed enough to stay faithful.  Whether or not you have a baby with him is irrelevant.

“Married men cheat, too,” you may be saying.  Yes - but it’s more likely that they were committed to their wife at some point (unless he married her for reasons other than wanting to be with her for the rest of his life).

Another reality star had 3 children with her longtime boyfriend.  They were on-again-off-again, and she was chronically unhappy with his drinking and partying.  He took very...

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How to Quit Getting Your Heart Broken

 

What Gambling Taught Me About Dating

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Have you ever looked back on something and thought, “I should have known better?”

Most of us have.  So why is it so hard to recognize a potentially damaging situation when you’re in it?

Even if we don’t learn from our own experiences, it would be ideal if we could learn from others’ experiences.  Cautionary tales can spare us a lot of grief, but we frequently believe we are the exception rather than the rule.  

We all know dating a married man is heartache waiting to happen.  But most women who get into that situation will believe that THEY are the exception.  THEY are the one the guy will leave his wife for.  THEY are the one who will get a happy ending.  THEY aren’t being strung along by a man who has zero intention of leaving his marriage.

I have watched several of my girlfriends get involved with men who were separated and in the process...

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Why You Don’t Get to Skip Life Lessons

 

And How to Make Sure They’re Helping You!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

My greatest heartbreak occurred when the man I’d been dating for a year told me he wasn’t ready for marriage.  I’d met him when he was separated and finalizing his divorce - a scenario that made me nervous, but he seemed like he had completed his emotional business with that failed marriage.  When he told me he didn’t know what he wanted, I said I needed a break.  I figured some time apart would have him ready to get engaged. 

It worked: six months later he was engaged to another woman.  They married shortly thereafter.

I immediately jumped back into online dating.  I met a schoolteacher who was marriage-minded and excited about me.  But something felt “off.”  I uncovered his recent - and disturbing - criminal record, so I ended the relationship.  He proceeded to stalk, harass, and terrify me for months.

Between the...

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