How to Be a Lady - Part 2

 

Ladies Inspire Others!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

This is the second part of our Be A Lady series. Click here to read Part 1.

A lady takes care of herself.  Ladies don’t shlump around town in their sweats.  They wouldn’t be caught running out for a quick coffee in their ratty t-shirt and pajama pants. 

I recently saw a photo of a movie star wearing paint-splattered jeans.  And not in an haute-couture kind of paint-splattered style.  They were old, paint-splattered jeans.  Not cute, and not flattering.  Those may be fine for when you’re home (painting), but when you go out, throw on a pair of well-fitting leggings or skinny jeans.

I used to NEVER leave my house in anything lower than a 3-inch heel.  Today, I’d rather wear my cute Vans (hello, leopard print!) or my ballerina flats, or my clean, cute sneakers.  Even if I’m wearing what I’ll wear to my yoga class later, my...

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How to Be a Lady - Part 1

 

Ladies Aren’t Doormats!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

I know times are always a-changin’, but one thing I believe never goes out of style: acting like a lady.

You wouldn’t know it looking at today’s “influencers.”  Many of our “style icons” bombard us with attacks on others, in-your-face cleavage and body parts, f-bombs, and newsfeeds full of shade and negativity.

But when I look at great ladies in the past - Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy - I’m reminded of the charm, elegance, and grace that ladylike behavior contributes to any environment.  

Some of my modern-day inspiration for ladylike charm comes from people like Kate Middleton, Amal Clooney, and Queen Letizia of Spain.

I’m far from perfect, but I’ve come up with a few points I believe describe a lady.

But, first: what is a lady NOT?

The word “lady” may conjure up an image of a helpless damsel dropping her...

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Forgive Your Parents

 

They Probably Did the Best They Could

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Most of us can look back on something our parents did - or didn’t - do and wish it had been different.

My mom confided to me recently that watching my brother and his wife raise their two children is very different from the way she and my dad raised us.  

“We just didn’t know what you know now,” she said.  “We followed the most current advice and the best practices at the time, but now there’s so much more knowledge and information I wish we’d had.”

It’s true.  Forty years later, people raise their children differently than many of us were raised.

Maybe you don’t have any issues about how you were raised - that’s great.  This may not be for you, or you may be able to apply it to another situation in your life.

I’ve had a number of men complain about women’s baggage - it’s the bitterness and the drama they are...

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Men Want a Goddess

 

 

Relax - That’s Good News!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

There’s a line in Elizabeth, starring Cate Blanchett, where one of Queen Elizabeth’s advisors tell her, “Men want to touch the Divine.”  He was saying that men want someone to inspire them.  Someone they can fight for and impress and please.

I think we all want that, actually.  Who among us doesn’t want a hero?  Don’t we all want someone we can look up to, believe in, follow?

In case you’re worried because you feel like you are the absolute opposite of a goddess, I have good news for you.  Men generally see women as goddesses.  They see us as soft, beautiful, mysterious creatures who are very different from them.  They know we’re not perfect, but they want us anyway.

While it’s true that there are men who hate women, the majority of men are intrigued by women.  That is, until we discourage them or destroy their...

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How to Be Confident & Sexy

 

Be the director, not the starving artist!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

A popular technique used by PUA’s (pick up artists, if you’re not familiar with the term) is to “neg” women.  This is where they give you a backhanded compliment (“You’re pretty, for a redhead.”) or they express “concerns” about dating you.  (“I’ve heard you’re a Dragon Lady and I don’t want to get hurt.”) 

These tactics are designed to get a woman to work hard to gain the guy’s approval or to show him she’s not what he’s accusing her of.  

One guy told me he was concerned about us dating because I have a Master’s degree and he “mopped floors in college.”  (By the way, like most college students, I worked a variety of low-paying, menial jobs, too!). This caused me to launch into sales mode to convince him we had a lot in common.

Another time, he said...

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How to Deal with Disappointment

 

What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Part of life is dealing with the disappointment we feel when things don’t go our way.

Maybe the promotion we’d hoped for went to someone else.  Or we never heard back from that cute guy after 3 dates.  Or you made an offer on a house and it was rejected.

Even though we know things aren’t always going to turn out how we want them to, sometimes disappointment is harder to get over than we expect.  We hash and rehash it over in our minds, hoping to figure out where things went “wrong.”  

If you’ve ever had disappointment grow and take on a life of its own, you understand how important it is to keep your perspective so that you don’t slide down into an emotional pit of despair.

Here are some ways to keep the disappointment contained so that you can move on:

1. “This is what is supposed to be happening.”

Marie Forleo suggests saying,...

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How to Deal With Shady Guys

 

Things Aren’t Always Cooler in the Shade

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

One of my girlfriends recently had an experience that we can all benefit from.

One of her neighbors was being very flirty with her.  He was bringing the compliments and the sweet words, and eventually asked her to dinner.  She found him very attractive and she liked his personality.  Except for one thing:  he’s married.

The only way she suspected this was because when he was moving in a few months ago, a woman was helping him.

He is in town on a work assignment that will last months.

When he asked her out, she asked if he is married.  “Separated,” he answered.

OK - stop here.

One thing you need to know about shady guys is that they will play semantics and split hairs, all while justifying that they aren’t lying to you (omitting key information is fine, though).  

In this case, I’m sure he meant “separated,” as in: we’re living...

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Do You Need to Raise Your Standards?

 

Or, at Least Have Some Standards

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Most of us think we’re pretty special and unique.  While it’s good to have that view of ourselves, many times we seem pretty “basic” to men.  “Basic” means, not special or unique - just like every other woman.  Easy to anticipate our reactions.

While we may declare with confidence that we won’t do this or tolerate that, we frequently walk back those statements when it’s a man (or a job or a situation) we really want.

Maybe the key isn’t only in raising standards, perhaps it’s also in maintaining them.

Women are afraid that if our standards are high, men will label us as “high maintenance” or “difficult.”  Will you be more difficult than a basic chick?  Yes.  But, alpha males enjoy a challenge.  It’s been my experience that the only guys who complain about high standards are the ones who...

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Men Aren’t Women

 

 And That’s a GOOD Thing!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Author Alison Armstrong says one of the biggest problems men and women have is that men see women as overly emotional men, and women see men as big, hairy women.

We’re in a culture that tells us that men and women are interchangeable.  While I’m all about equal opportunity and equitable pay, men and women are NOT the same!  Besides the biological differences, there are psychological differences that are hard-wired into our physiology.  Understanding these differences will help you in all of your relationships with the men in your life.

Women feel good when we connect; men feel good when they fix things.

As women, we feel better when we talk things out.  Sometimes we call this “venting.”  We don’t analyze to arrive at a solution, we analyze to feel better in the process of the analysis.

For men, the purpose of analysis is to arrive at a solution. ...

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Is There Anybody Out There For Me?

 

How to Save Yourself From the Terror of Singleness

by Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the popular sayings we hear as singles is, “There’s someone for everyone.” 

Another favorite: “Every pot has a lid.” 

If you’re in the Christian community, people will quote Psalm 37:4: “If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

We wander through our singleness, wanting a relationship, always waiting for that one person who will “complete” us.  Thanks, Jerry Maguire.

What if there ISN’T someone for everyone?  What if your pot doesn’t have a lid? 

What if God never gives you the desires of your heart?

One of my girlfriends always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  She is a dutiful daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend.  She nursed her father through his cancer, and has taken care...

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