How The One Thing I Hated Gave Me What I Wanted Most
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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For years, I struggled with feelings of not being complete or whole. Â
Iâve always wanted to be married and have a family, so being single has always left a huge void in my life. When you desire a husband and children, getting a dog or babysitting for friends just isnât an acceptable substitute.
Even though I knew intellectually that I didnât need a man to complete me, I want what women are biologically programmed to want: a partner and a family. Friends, volunteer work, and pets just donât fill that need. They can be a lovely distraction, but theyâre not the same as a husband and a family of oneâs own.
Meanwhile, I found something interesting in James 1:2-4. âConsider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anythi...
But Only If You Want a Man!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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A friend of mine in one of my online dating groups was lamenting her poor luck with online dating. She is 55 and hasnât been asked out on any dates at all.
After looking at her profile photo, a few of us commented that her short, grey hair, glasses, and no makeup is probably keeping her dateless. Her response to this was that she probably just needed to give up on love and get used to being alone.
Hold it!
Whether or not we like this, it is a biological fact (and a truth of evolutionary psychology) that men value youth and beauty. It has to do with a manâs DNA knowing that a young, attractive woman has a better chance of having many healthy children. Even men who have had vasectomies value youth and beauty. Even gay men value youth and âbeautyâin other men.
In the same way that women are programmed to value resources and provision in a man, men value youth and beauty. You can call them shallow or âdogs,â but thatâs t...
They Probably Did the Best They Could
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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Most of us can look back on something our parents did - or didnât - do and wish it had been different.
My mom confided to me recently that watching my brother and his wife raise their two children is very different from the way she and my dad raised us. Â
âWe just didnât know what you know now,â she said. âWe followed the most current advice and the best practices at the time, but now thereâs so much more knowledge and information I wish weâd had.â
Itâs true. Forty years later, people raise their children differently than many of us were raised.
Maybe you donât have any issues about how you were raised - thatâs great. This may not be for you, or you may be able to apply it to another situation in your life.
Iâve had a number of men complain about womenâs baggage - itâs the bitterness and the drama they are lugging around from their past. Itâs not that they have children or an ex-husband, itâs the weighed-dow...
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Free Your Friends By Detaching
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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I think weâve all had the experience of the friend who gets a new man, then you donât hear from her unless heâs out of town or they break up.
If youâre like most of us, maybe youâve been that friend! In my younger days, I would ditch a friend to accept a last-minute date with a guy. Or, Iâd go on a date even if I was sick with a terrible cold, but cancel on a girlfriend because I was tired or just âdidnât feel likeâ going.
It is completely natural to want to spend every possible moment with your Mr. Right. Itâs easy to let your friendships slip away and just focus in on your beloved. Part of that is how weâre wired as women, but we also need our girlfriends! And not just the ones we double date with!
What if you and your beloved break up? Many times, the couple you hung out with feel like they have to choose sides, and they may not choose yours!
By then, your single gal pals may have moved on and perhaps they w...
Ladies Inspire Others!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
This is the second part of our Be A Lady series. Click here to read Part 1.
A lady takes care of herself.  Ladies donât shlump around town in their sweats. They wouldnât be caught running out for a quick coffee in their ratty t-shirt and pajama pants.Â
I recently saw a photo of a movie star wearing paint-splattered jeans. And not in an haute-couture kind of paint-splattered style. They were old, paint-splattered jeans. Not cute, and not flattering. Those may be fine for when youâre home (painting), but when you go out, throw on a pair of well-fitting leggings or skinny jeans.
I used to NEVER leave my house in anything lower than a 3-inch heel. Today, Iâd rather wear my cute Vans (hello, leopard print!) or my ballerina flats, or my clean, cute sneakers. Even if Iâm wearing what Iâll wear to my yoga class later, my outfit is clean, cute, and fashionable.
I never used to want to spend money on gym clothes. Whatâs the point -...
Ladies Arenât Doormats!
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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I know times are always a-changinâ, but one thing I believe never goes out of style: acting like a lady.
You wouldnât know it looking at todayâs âinfluencers.â Many of our âstyle iconsâ bombard us with attacks on others, in-your-face cleavage and body parts, f-bombs, and newsfeeds full of shade and negativity.
But when I look at great ladies in the past - Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy - Iâm reminded of the charm, elegance, and grace that ladylike behavior contributes to any environment. Â
Some of my modern-day inspiration for ladylike charm comes from people like Kate Middleton, Amal Clooney, and Queen Letizia of Spain.
Iâm far from perfect, but Iâve come up with a few points I believe describe a lady.
But, first: what is a lady NOT?
The word âladyâ may conjure up an image of a helpless damsel dropping her handkerchief or sipping tea with her pinkie finger extended. To me, a true lady is strong, ...
 Itâs ALWAYS Right
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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In the TV show, âScandal,â Olivia Pope used to brag that she trusted her gut because it was never wrong.
The good news is, gut accuracy isnât a trait reserved for fictional heroines or âluckyâ women.
We ALL have intuition that exists to serve us - men have it, but women are able to access our intuition more quickly. Our problem is that we will frequently talk ourselves out of listening because sometimes our gutâs direction doesnât make logical sense, or we feel âmeanâ about following it.
Thereâs a line in Girl With the Dragon Tattoo that goes something like, âPeople are more worried about offending someone else than they are about their own safety.â The consequences of that can be deadly, and not just in the movies.
Whenever I have ignored my gut, I regretted it. Every. Single. Time. At work, in relationships, in friendships, with family, with my health.
Maybe intuition has a spiritual component. Some people say itâs the Ho...
 There are No Shortcuts in Successful Relationships
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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Recently some houses were constructed along the route I typically take to the gym. It seemed like they were fully built in record time - going from foundation to ready in under 2 months.
As a former homeowner, I know the importance of what you CANâT see in a home. Sure, the beautiful countertops, floor tiles, and fixtures are exciting, but if your foundation, plumbing, and electrical systems arenât up-to-par, you are in for years of expensive problems.
This morning there was a letter to âDear Abbyâ in the newspaper (yes, I still read a daily newspaper). The writer was a woman saying she got involved with a coworker - their affair was fast and furious. She became pregnant, so they chose to move in together to coparent their child. The problem: they detest each other and do not agree on anything related to their relationship or life together.
As a society, we seem enamored of whirlwind courtships....
Things Arenât Always Cooler in the Shade
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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One of my girlfriends recently had an experience that we can all benefit from.
One of her neighbors was being very flirty with her. He was bringing the compliments and the sweet words, and eventually asked her to dinner. She found him very attractive and she liked his personality. Except for one thing: heâs married.
The only way she suspected this was because when he was moving in a few months ago, a woman was helping him.
He is in town on a work assignment that will last months.
When he asked her out, she asked if he is married. âSeparated,â he answered.
OK - stop here.
One thing you need to know about shady guys is that they will play semantics and split hairs, all while justifying that they arenât lying to you (omitting key information is fine, though). Â
In this case, Iâm sure he meant âseparated,â as in: weâre living in separate locations. On my taxes I claim the maintenance of a âseparate househ...
Which Role Are You Playing?
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.
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As women, we frequently like the fairy tales where the princess is rescued by Prince Charming. While itâs fashionable to bash these damsel-in-distress stories, there is some biological basis to them. As women, we want community and connection, and we want a man to provide for us.
In many ways, our culture supports us in identifying ourselves as victims. While itâs out-of-vogue to use the word âvictim,â itâs very much âinâ to talk about your past trauma, your current drama, and how you were messed up by your dad or mama.
But, who are you rooting for in an action movie? The hero or the victim? The hero, of course! Â
âWonder Womanâ was a blockbuster hit in 2017. Nobodyâs waiting for ââWhy Me?â Womanâ to come out!
If you have suffered a major trauma, then itâs time to deal with that. And itâs unlikely that you can process it and heal without professional help. Get a therapist, get a support group, get a coach - whateve...
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