Be Feminine

But Only If You Want a Man!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A friend of mine in one of my online dating groups was lamenting her poor luck with online dating.  She is 55 and hasn’t been asked out on any dates at all.

After looking at her profile photo, a few of us commented that her short, grey hair, glasses, and no makeup is probably keeping her dateless.  Her response to this was that she probably just needed to give up on love and get used to being alone.

Hold it!

Whether or not we like this, it is a biological fact (and a truth of evolutionary psychology) that men value youth and beauty.  It has to do with a man’s DNA knowing that a young, attractive woman has a better chance of having many healthy children.  Even men who have had vasectomies value youth and beauty.  Even gay men value youth and “beauty”in other men.

In the same way that women are programmed to value resources and provision in a man, men value youth and beauty.  You can call them shallow or “dogs,” but that’s the same as a man calling you a gold digger or materialistic because you want someone who can provide for you.

Yes, when you’re over 40 a man does want more than just good looks.  But he won’t get a chance to see your charming personality if he’s not attracted to you physically.  And your wit and intelligence won’t excite him if he doesn’t like your looks.

Women can look past a man’s appearance and value who he is on the inside, but men are not women!

My friend in the dating group said she wasn’t willing to dye her hair because when she did dye it, it became damaged and that’s why she cut it short.  I understand that, but we told her to grow her hair, dye it, or start using wigs and extensions.

Here’s what men say about short hair: it’s masculine.  Men like the things about women that make women different from men.  Things like long hair, high heels, breasts.

Grey hair - no matter how beautifully silver it is - indicates aging.  No man describes his ideal woman as old and matronly.

You don’t need to get a face lift or start using fillers or grow your hair to your waist.

One of the girls in the group posted a photo of Michelle Pfeiffer, who at 61 looks stunning.  True, she has access to stylists, makeup artists, and perhaps some surgical help.  The idea isn’t to copy a celebrity, it’s to see that even older women can keep their femininity.

Pat Allen says there can’t be two masculines or two feminines in a successful relationship.  It’s not about hetero- or homosexual, it’s about masculine energy and feminine energy.  If you’re an alpha female, you’re going to attract a beta male.  If you’re a masculine woman, you’re going to attract a feminine man.  If that’s okay with you, great.

I’ve had many men my age tell me they feel like women have given up and that their best years are behind them.  The men are frustrated that women seem to have stopped putting any effort into their appearance!

Again, you can say men are shallow or superficial, but you’re going to sit home alone if you’re not willing to make some changes.

If you don’t like the results you’re getting, you have to make some changes in what you’re doing.

You don’t need to have Rapunzel-length hair.  Maybe a longer bob would look good on you.  Maybe your natural hair color is too harsh for you now, but could you try blonde instead of silver grey?  Can you try contacts or Lasik instead of glasses?  The right lip color, eyebrow shape, and mascara can also do wonders to perk you up and take the years off.

Here’s the bottom line: if you want to attract a masculine male, you must be a feminine female.  That means looking like a woman.  That means wearing dresses and skirts, heels (unless you absolutely cannot wear them for medical reasons), growing out your hair, and having a hair color other than grey.

When you make these changes in your appearance, you’re going to feel better.  Part of living a One-Derful Life is feeling good about yourself.  Not for a man, but for YOU!  When you can look in the mirror and feel good about yourself, that confidence comes through and THAT’s what keeps a man attracted to you.

Sometimes we feel like giving up because we’ve had our heart broken.  If that’s you, check out our ABC’s of Healing.  This free video will help you heal from the heartache and move on so you can get back to enjoying life.

Question: Do you need to work on being more feminine?