Be A Lady - Part 1

Ladies Aren’t Doormats!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I know times are always a-changin’, but one thing I believe never goes out of style: acting like a lady.

You wouldn’t know it looking at today’s “influencers.”  Many of our “style icons” bombard us with attacks on others, in-your-face cleavage and body parts, f-bombs, and newsfeeds full of shade and negativity.

But when I look at great ladies in the past - Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy - I’m reminded of the charm, elegance, and grace that ladylike behavior contributes to any environment.  

Some of my modern-day inspiration for ladylike charm comes from people like Kate Middleton, Amal Clooney, and Queen Letizia of Spain.

I’m far from perfect, but I’ve come up with a few points I believe describe a lady.

But, first: what is a lady NOT?

The word “lady” may conjure up an image of a helpless damsel dropping her handkerchief or sipping tea with her pinkie finger extended.  To me, a true lady is strong, kind, and respectful.

A lady is not weak.  She uses her brain.  She thinks.  She contributes.  Look at Amal Clooney: she is a super-successful human rights attorney who doesn’t shy away from controversial - and sometimes dangerous - cases.

A lady is not helpless.  She doesn’t need to be rescued.  In fact, she’s strong and can help others.  Look at Queen Letizia or, again, Amal Clooney.  They devote a lot of time and energy to helping those who cannot help themselves.

A lady is not quiet or without a voice.  She doesn’t quietly agree with everyone else.  While she may hold her opinion until the time is right, she doesn’t swallow her voice and smile vapidly.  When she does speak, what she says seems more important because she understands that fewer words can be more effective.

You can Google “be a lady” and find a gazillion articles on the subject.  These are a few of my thoughts on what acting like a lady entails:

A lady minds her manners. You won’t catch a lady drunk in public or getting into a screaming match with ANYONE.  She arrives on time, is gracious, and shows an interest in others.  She says, “Please,” and, “Thank you.”  She acknowledges the kindnesses and contributions of others.

A lady watches her language.  Okay, I really struggle with this one.  One of my most glaring character defects is that I can swear like a sailor when I’m upset, angry, or excited.  I’m not proud of it, and I go through seasons where I have my mouth under control, then seasons where I’m lazy about it.  It’s a bad habit that is really quite unattractive.

Once, I was talking with a friend of mine, and she was swearing up a storm.  I thought, “Wow, that’s really unbecoming.”  My very next thought was, “And, I’m sure it doesn’t sound any better coming out of MY mouth.”

As an educated woman, I’m certain I can find words to express myself that are more effective than the drivel getting “beeped” out on Jerry Springer.

While I don’t know how Kate Middleton speaks at home behind closed doors, I can’t imagine her telling someone to f- off.

As a single woman, I know that, in general, men find excessive swearing unattractive in women because it is aggressive and masculine.  Sometimes a curse word might be the best way to get someone’s attention, but if every third word needs to be censored, you (I) may want to take a look at it.

A lady moves with charm and elegance. I’m amazed at the number of photos in my newsfeed that feature women posing with their legs spread apart.  I mean, I’m not following any adult film stars (that I know of).  When did it become “cool” to sit like a man (or a Playboy centerfold)?

Growing up, my parents taught me to “keep your knees together.”  Meaning, when you’re sitting, keep your legs positioned so that others can’t see up your skirt!  Even if you are wearing pants! 

Kate Middleton has perfected the “Duchess Slant,” where you cross your ankles and angle your legs to the side.  Royals are discouraged from crossing their legs at the knees for several reasons (opportunity to accidentally “flash” the audience and red blotches and feet that have fallen asleep).

I know a few women who lumber down the hallway or sidewalk like a man!  

You don’t have to get beauty-pageant coaching (although it probably wouldn’t hurt!) or be a model, but pay attention to how some of your favorite “lady icons” move.  When they’re wearing heels (which is often), they don’t clomp around, hunched forward.  Even in flats, they move with easy elegance.

They don’t flop down into a chair - they sit down gracefully.  

They don’t hoist themselves out of a car, they turn their body sideways, placing both feet on the ground, then they lift up using their legs.  Again, they don’t flash onlookers.  

Also - a lady waits for the gentleman to open her door and assist her out of the vehicle.  Whether it’s her date or the valet, she expects him to make it easier for her.  Even if she is driving or if she’s out with girlfriends, she practices exiting vehicles gracefully.

In our next post, we’ll finish our look at what it means to be a lady.

Why does this matter?  Because part of having a One-Derful Life is feeling good about yourself and inspiring others.  When you feel good, you are more likely to attract the things into your life that you want.

It’s hard to feel good if you’re struggling with a broken heart.  If that’s you, check out our ABC’s of Healing - this free video will show you how to move past heartbreak so you can get on with being happy!

Question: Which lady inspires YOU?