Do You Avoid Doing Things Alone Because You Feel Embarrassed?

How to Go Out and Live Life NOW

This post is part of our February series: Loneliness, Fear, and Comparison

Do you ever avoid doing things alone because you feel awkward or embarrassed?

You’re not alone.

I once read an article where the author attended a local theater production by herself. As she walked in, she wondered, “Are the other audience members judging me like some dateless freak?”

Later in the same article, she admitted she actually enjoyed the experience. She could sit where she wanted, order what she wanted, and didn’t have to listen to anyone else’s commentary during the show.

Coincidentally, that same day, Dear Abby published a letter from a man whose wife talks nonstop during symphony performances — and he was fed up.

Sometimes going alone is actually better.

The small-town spotlight

I live in a small Southern town. Once, I mentioned to someone that I had just returned from a solo vacation in Cancun.

Her reaction was immediate:
“I would NEVER do that!”

Her response stung. I felt judged — like I had done something strange or inappropriate.

But later, I realized something important.

She wasn’t judging me.
She was being honest.

She had never traveled alone, and the idea felt scary to her. And since she’s married to a successful executive who takes her on beautiful vacations, she’s never had to consider going alone.

Most of my married friends tell me I’m “brave” when I go to the movies, dinner, the opera, conferences, or on trips by myself.

I don’t think of myself as brave.

I simply realized that as a single woman over 40, I had two choices:

• stay home alone

• or go live my life alone

So I chose to live my life.

You’re not strange for feeling nervous

Many people — men included — avoid doing things alone because they worry about what others might think.

And yes, in a small town, you may occasionally get a thoughtless comment. But if your alternative is sitting home feeling lonely, it might be time to gently stretch yourself.

Here are a few ways to make going solo feel easier and more natural.

Decide what you are willing to do alone

There are very few things I won’t do alone — but black-tie events are one of them. To me, that feels like going to prom solo. Some people enjoy that. I don’t.

That said, if a black-tie event is part of my career, I will absolutely go. I’m not going to miss professional opportunities just because I don’t have a date.

And sometimes it helps to have a trusted guy friend who can be your plus-one when needed.

Safety first

Being independent doesn’t mean being reckless.

When I travel alone:

• I choose safe destinations

• I stay in reputable hotels

• I stay aware of my surroundings

• and I don’t overshare personal information

You deserve to feel confident and secure while enjoying your life.

Start with single-friendly activities

If the idea of doing things alone feels intimidating, start small.

Go to a movie

If you walk in alone, most people will assume you’re meeting someone inside. And honestly, most people are too focused on their phones to notice you anyway.

Attend a play or symphony

Once the lights go down, no one knows where you’re sitting. During intermission, you can chat in the lobby or scroll your phone like you’re waiting for a friend.

Sit at the bar — at a restaurant

When I travel, I often eat at the sushi bar. It’s a great way to meet people, and many solo travelers dine there. Service is faster, seating is easier, and it feels more social than a table for one.

A One-Derful Life

Learning to be comfortable in your own company is part of what I call a One-Derful Life:
being truly happy and peaceful even though you want a relationship — and even though you don’t have one right now.

You don’t have to put your life on hold while you wait.

You are allowed to go.
You are allowed to enjoy.
You are allowed to take up space.

Free Teaching: 

If loneliness is heavy in your heart — especially in a season of unwanted singleness — I created a calm, faith-centered teaching for you.

👉 Get “Overcoming Loneliness” here: 

🔗 Overcoming Loneliness

Reflection

What’s something you enjoy doing on your own?