This post is part of our February series: Loneliness, Fear, and Comparison

For many years, I believed my singleness was beyond my control.

Maybe God was “keeping” me single for some mysterious reason.
Maybe there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t see — and couldn’t fix.
Maybe I just had bad luck.

Today, I see my story differently.

I now believe my singleness has been shaped, at least in part, by my own beliefs and behaviors. Not because I failed — but because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

And once I was willing to look honestly at my thinking, everything began to change.

The patterns I couldn’t see

With age comes perspective. Looking back, I can see how some of my choices created consequences I never intended.

I spent years in relationships with men who told me early on they didn’t want to get married. And I stayed.

Not because I hoped they would change — but because I hoped I could convince myself to be okay with dating without a future.

But I wasn’t okay.

And...