This post is part of our February series: Loneliness, Fear, and Comparison

For many years, I believed my singleness was beyond my control.

Maybe God was “keeping” me single for some mysterious reason.
Maybe there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t see — and couldn’t fix.
Maybe I just had bad luck.

Today, I see my story differently.

I now believe my singleness has been shaped, at least in part, by my own beliefs and behaviors. Not because I failed — but because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

And once I was willing to look honestly at my thinking, everything began to change.

The patterns I couldn’t see

With age comes perspective. Looking back, I can see how some of my choices created consequences I never intended.

I spent years in relationships with men who told me early on they didn’t want to get married. And I stayed.

Not because I hoped they would change — but because I hoped I could convince myself to be okay with dating without a future.

But I wasn’t okay.

And...

This post is part of our February series: Loneliness, Fear, and Comparison

I’m part of several Facebook groups for single women. Recently, I read a post from a young woman who is struggling deeply with singleness. She’s tired of going everywhere alone. It feels like everyone around her is coupled. And she dreads the questions from her mother about when she’s going to find someone and settle down.

I think most of us can relate.

Even those of us who have been single for a long time — and who have made peace with it — still have days when sadness creeps in.

I spent many years feeling left out and left behind. And even now, when 95% of the time I genuinely feel peaceful about my life, I still have moments — sometimes hours or even days — when I feel sad. I would still prefer to be married and have a family. I still feel lonely sometimes. And I still grow weary of so much time by myself.

People who don’t know me well sometimes assume I prefer singleness. And while I’ve learned to li...

 How to Find Peace in the Uncertainty of Singleness

This post is part of our January series: Acknowledging the Ache of Singleness 

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the most common things we hear as single women is,
“There’s someone for everyone.”

Another favorite:
“Every pot has a lid.”

And as Christians, we often quote Psalm 37:4:
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

So we walk through our singleness waiting for the person who will finally “complete” us.
(Thanks, Jerry Maguire.)

But what if there isn’t someone for everyone?
What if your pot doesn’t have a lid?
What if God never gives you the desire of your heart?

These are the questions most women are afraid to say out loud.

The grief no one talks about

One of my closest friends has always wanted to be a wife and a mother. She is a devoted daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend. She cared for her father through cancer. She has walked with her mother through gri...