Making Peace With Singleness

How to Stop Feeling Like Life Is Happening to You

I used to feel like my singleness was something that was happening to me.

Because I didn’t like being single, it felt like bad luck… or bad karma… or maybe even some kind of punishment.

At different times, I blamed everything and everyone:

My parents.
My ex-boyfriends.
The lack of “quality men.”
Myself.
The Universe.

I spent years trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

Why couldn’t I find a husband?

I only wanted what most women want — a loving marriage and a family of my own. I didn’t think my expectations were unreasonable.

(Although, if I’m honest… my standards were often far too low. But that’s a conversation for another day.)

With every failed relationship, I felt more and more like I was the victim of some kind of cosmic mistake.

From Victim to Responsibility

If we’re honest, most of us can point to something in our past that shaped us in ways we didn’t choose.

Maybe it was something from childhood.
Maybe something in our teenage years.
Maybe even something that happened as adults.

But one of the most powerful shifts I made was this:

I stopped asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
And started asking, “How did I get here — and what can I learn from it?”

That shift required me to take responsibility — not blame — for my patterns, my choices, and most importantly, my beliefs.

And I began to see that I had some core beliefs that were quietly keeping me stuck.

“There Must Be Something Wrong with Me”

For a long time, I believed my singleness was evidence that I wasn’t “marriage material.”

So I tried harder.

To look better.
To be better.
To do everything “right.”

But that constant effort didn’t make me more attractive — it made me tense.

It showed up as pressure. As rigidity. As striving.

And that kind of energy creates distance in relationships, not connection.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my inability to relax and accept where I was had become an invisible barrier — one that kept me from experiencing the kind of relationship I actually wanted.

“Whoever Shows Up Must Be the One”

I also misunderstood what it meant to “accept people as they are.”

If a decent man showed interest in me, I felt like I should give him a chance — even if there was no real connection, no shared vision, or no attraction.

I told myself maybe this was a lesson in being less rigid.

But there’s a difference between acceptance and settling.

Just because someone shows up doesn’t mean they’re meant to stay.

“Make This Work — There Might Not Be Another Chance”

This belief was rooted in fear.

I approached relationships with a quiet sense of urgency — as if this might be my only opportunity.

And when you operate from that place, you stop being yourself.

You adapt. You adjust. You try to become what you think the other person wants.

More than once, relationships ended with the same feedback:

“You’ve changed.”
“You’re not who I thought you were.”

And they were right.

I wasn’t being myself. I was trying to make something work.

Peace Comes from Changing Your Perspective

Recognizing these patterns didn’t instantly change my relationship status.

I didn’t have a breakthrough moment and suddenly meet “the one.”

But something more important happened:

I changed the way I saw my life.

I began to understand that my singleness wasn’t something being done to me.

It was a season shaped by my beliefs, my choices, and my growth.

And instead of fighting it, I started learning from it.

A One-Derful Life

That’s what I call a One-Derful Life:

Making peace with being single — even when you don’t want to be.

It’s not about giving up on love.

It’s about creating a life you genuinely enjoy, right now — instead of waiting for one person or one outcome to make everything feel complete.

You can still desire a relationship.

You can still hope for marriage.

But your life doesn’t have to be on hold in the meantime.

Free Teaching: 

If loneliness is heavy in your heart — especially in a season of unwanted singleness — I created a calm, faith-centered teaching for you.

👉 Get “Overcoming Loneliness” here: 

🔗 Overcoming Loneliness

Question: Are there any beliefs you’re holding onto that might be keeping you stuck?