What If There's Nobody Out There For Me?

 How to Find Peace in the Uncertainty of Singleness

This post is part of our January series: Acknowledging the Ache of Singleness 

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the most common things we hear as single women is,
“There’s someone for everyone.”

Another favorite:
“Every pot has a lid.”

And as Christians, we often quote Psalm 37:4:
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

So we walk through our singleness waiting for the person who will finally “complete” us.
(Thanks, Jerry Maguire.)

But what if there isn’t someone for everyone?
What if your pot doesn’t have a lid?
What if God never gives you the desire of your heart?

These are the questions most women are afraid to say out loud.

The grief no one talks about

One of my closest friends has always wanted to be a wife and a mother. She is a devoted daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend. She cared for her father through cancer. She has walked with her mother through grief. She teaches Sunday School. She is a beautiful soul.

And recently, at 54, she entered menopause.

I held her hand as she cried — not because she is bitter, but because she is grieving. She is grieving the dream so many women carry quietly in their hearts: being a mother.

She keeps saying, “It’s fine.”

But it’s not fine.
It’s sad.
And it’s okay to admit that.

The danger of false certainty

Relationship coaches and dating experts often say,
“If you want a relationship, it will happen.”
“Your soulmate is out there.”

I wish that were always true.

But when we believe with certainty that marriage is guaranteed, we place our hope in a future event we cannot control. We live in a constant state of anticipation — followed by disappointment when it doesn’t arrive on our timeline.

That doesn’t mean you won’t meet someone.
But it does mean your peace can’t be built on a promise God never made.

And for Christian women, this belief can become especially painful.

If God hasn’t given you the desire of your heart, you may quietly wonder if you’ve done something wrong.
If you’re not delighting in Him enough.
If your singleness is somehow your fault.

It isn’t.

A hard but necessary question

Here is the question that changed my life:

If you never meet Mr. Right, what would it take for you to still live a beautiful life? 

For many years, I believed I could never be happy unless I was married. I simply resigned myself to a life of quiet sadness.

And that is no way to live.

So I decided I wanted to be happy — not someday, not later, not “when,” but now.

That decision became the foundation of what I now call a One-Derful Life:
A life of peace, purpose, and joy — even while still wanting a relationship.

I’m well over 40. It still hasn’t happened for me.
And yet, I can honestly say: I love my life.

Not because I stopped wanting marriage.
But because I stopped waiting for life to begin.

Practicing acceptance (gently)

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up.
It means letting go of the belief that your happiness must wait.

Try this gentle exercise:
Just for today, imagine that you may never meet Mr. Right.

Notice what you feel.
Sadness. Fear. Grief.

That’s normal.

Then remind yourself:
You are still here.
You are still breathing.
You are still loved.
You are still okay.

A friend once said to me,
“You’ve always been single — and you’ve always been okay.”

She was right.

Choosing peace

Sometimes we believe happiness and relationships are the same thing.

They’re not.

If your happiness depends on a relationship, you will always feel unsettled while waiting. And ironically, that unsettledness often pushes away the very thing you desire.

So here is another honest question:

If you had to choose, would you rather be unhappy in a relationship — or peaceful while single? 

Most women, when they sit with it, know the answer.

A closing word

I don’t know what God has planned for your love story.
But I do know this:

Your life is not on hold.
Your heart is not forgotten.
Your future is not empty.

And you are allowed to build a beautiful life — starting right now.

Longing and hope can feel tangled. This free teaching, The ABCs of Healing, helps you understand the grief underneath — and the path forward.
🔗 https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/abcsofhealing

It’s there to walk with you gently toward peace.

Final Reflection

Would you choose unhappy with a relationship…or peaceful and single?