How to Be Confident

 

How to Be the Confident, Sexy Woman Men Say They Want

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, men have reported that confidence is one of the traits that makes a woman “sexy.”  A woman may be beautiful, but if she’s insecure and needy, that will diminish her sexiness in a man’s eyes.

We all want to be more confident.  From my college students to the groups of professionals I speak to, one of the most requested topics I speak on is confidence.  It seems we all want to feel more confident!

What is confidence?  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “confident” as, “Full of conviction; certain; having or showing assurance and self-reliance.”  

I like this definition because it’s based on self-reliance, not on external circumstances or the opinions of others.

As single women, it can be difficult to feel confident - especially when you’re over 40.  If you’re like me, and you’ve never...

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YOU’RE the Prize!

 

So Start Acting Like It!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

I recently heard Steve Harvey tell a woman, “Quit acting like he’s the prize!  YOU’RE the prize!”

She was trying to figure out how to get this man to want her, and Steve said, “Ladies - y’all need to quit acting like men are the prize.  YOU are the prize!”

That really hit me.

In this demographic, there are more single, professional women than single, professional men. 

Women all over the country complain about the dearth of good men. In this setting, it’s easy for women to get into the mindset that we need to “find a good man.”  We say our girlfriend is “lucky she found such a great guy.” 

We’re willing to negotiate and settle for less than we truly want because we’re afraid something better may never come along.

We put up with men who are disrespectful; men who won’t commit; men who don’t call when they...

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Time to Get it Together (Get Your S2G)

 

NOW Is the Time!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Many of us single ladies want to find our Boaz.  Our Prince Charming.  Our Mr. Right.

But, are YOU a Good Thing?  Are you His Fairy Princess? Are you Ms. Right?

We all think we are that Good Thing, but you’re NOT if you are a mess, honey!

I’ve gone on dates with men who turned out to be between jobs, recently unemployed, in debt, recently separated, and a host of other dramas.  I wanted to say, “Get Your S2G (get your s**t together!) and THEN look for a woman!”

While men don’t evaluate women on the same grounds that women use to evaluate men, men do want someone who has her S2G.

You don’t need to earn his level of income.  You don’t necessarily need to own your own home.  You don’t need to be perfect.

But you do need to be a Good Thing.  Yes, men love to fix things, but a healthy man is looking for a partner, not a project. 

Here are some areas...

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Why Doing the Right Thing Still Matters

 

What's The Point?

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

When I’m teaching my college students about business ethics, we cover the topic of “situational ethics.”  

Situational ethics are values that change with the circumstances.  For example, you may say it’s wrong to commit adultery, but it’s okay if the partners don’t love each other and are “only staying together legally for the children.”

As single women, it can be frustrating when we see others doing “the wrong thing” but getting rewarded.  

I don’t date married men, but I’ve known plenty of women who do and whose lovers left their wives!

It’s not only in dating.  Maybe there’s that coworker who cuts corners and is dishonest, but she gets a promotion.  Or your child loses a spot on the cheerleading team because the daughter of the coach’s best friend tried out. - your kid was clearly superior, but she lost out because...

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How to End Things

 

It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.

Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce.  I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce.  This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.

Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.

I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together.  The breakup was very painful and stressful.

Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married.  That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!

But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?

We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date...

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Don’t Audition for Men

 

 

Be the director, not the starving artist!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

A popular technique used by PUA’s (pick up artists, if you’re not familiar with the term) is to “neg” women.  This is where they give you a backhanded compliment (“You’re pretty, for a redhead.”) or they express “concerns” about dating you.  (“I’ve heard you’re a Dragon Lady and I don’t want to get hurt.”) 

These tactics are designed to get a woman to work hard to gain the guy’s approval or to show him she’s not what he’s accusing her of.  

One guy told me he was concerned about us dating because I have a Master’s degree and he “mopped floors in college.”  (By the way, like most college students, I worked a variety of low-paying, menial jobs, too!). This caused me to launch into sales mode to convince him we had a lot in common.

Another time, he said he...

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Why Setting Boundaries Doesn't Work

 

This is for me, but you’re welcome to read along, Friend!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know you need boundaries.  And, most of us think we’re pretty good at setting them.  This is true: we’re good at setting boundaries; where we stink is in protecting the boundaries.

How many times have you said (to yourself or to others), the next time X happens, I’m going to Y.  And then you don’t follow through with Y.  You draw a line in the sand, and then you step back and draw another line.

There are many good books on boundaries.   One of my favorites is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  They have several follow-up books, including Boundaries in Dating, which I highly recommend.

Setting a boundary is easy.  It’s being willing to deliver the consequences for a boundary violation that can be difficult.  Especially if the...

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Why I Don’t Online Date Anymore

 

Too many duds, and not enough studs!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 

The most recent statistic in the United States is that approximately 1/3 of couples who marry meet on an online dating site.  And, I agree that some people do have successful outcomes from dating online.  What we don’t know is the percentage of online matches that result in marriage - I am confident that number is well below 30%.

I do believe that online dating has some benefits.

First, online dating is representative of offline dating - there are good guys and not-so-good guys no matter where you go.

Second, online dating allows you to get out of your normal routine.  If you go from work to gym to home to church, you’re not necessarily going to meet new people.  Online dating creates the opportunity to meet people you would otherwise never cross paths with.

Third, online dating can allow you to meet people in other locations.  If you’re comfortable with long-distance...

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Do Your Homework

 

Why you need to do a background check

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Whirlwind courtships seem so romantic!

Remember when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson were engaged, living together, buying pets, and getting tattoos?  Before we knew it, it was over.

I’ve fallen for the whirlwind romance, and it has ALWAYS ended in heartbreak.

I love how women (and men) suddenly develop ESP when dating: “You just KNOW when it’s right.”  How about just KNOWING the right lottery numbers?  Or just KNOWING your boss is about to reprimand you?

One of my girlfriends was shocked to find out her husband had a criminal record (a serious, felony record).  They married after dating for 3 months, and she was gobsmacked that he hadn’t disclosed this.

Many times, men who want to rush things are doing so because they are racing against the clock.  They want you legally committed to them before you find out who they really are.  By the way - I found his...

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Why Commitment Matters

 

Stop Settling for Less than Marriage

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Why are we so shocked?

Recently, there was a news item where a reality star’s baby-daddy cheated on her with one of her friends.  Sadly, this was the second time he’d done it; the first was while the starlet was pregnant with his child. 

As women, we find this behavior shocking and deplorable.

But, if a man isn’t committed enough to you to marry you, he’s not going to be committed enough to stay faithful.  Whether or not you have a baby with him is irrelevant.

“Married men cheat, too,” you may be saying.  Yes - but it’s more likely that they were committed to their wife at some point (unless he married her for reasons other than wanting to be with her for the rest of his life).

Another reality star had 3 children with her longtime boyfriend.  They were on-again-off-again, and she was chronically unhappy with his drinking and partying.  He took...

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