5 Ways to Not Feel Like A Loser When You're Out Alone

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Even If Other People DO Talk About You

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Do you hate doing things alone because you feel embarrassed?

You’re not alone.  On the front page of the Wall Street Journal on Tuesday, June 5, 2018, Ms. Claire Wixted was quoted as saying (about going to a movie alone), “Are [other moviegoers] judging me like some dateless freak?”

The article goes on to report that many solo moviegoers have learned they prefer going to the movies alone because they can sit where they want, eat what they want, and not have to listen to someone else’s chatter. 

Coincidentally, the same day Dear Abby had a question from a man whose wife talks through the movies, and he’s fed up with going to the theater with her!

I live in a small, Southern town.  One time, I told someone I had just returned from vacationing by myself in Cancun. 

Her reaction: I would NEVER do that! 

Her declaration really hurt - I felt like she was judging me - like I’d done something wrong. 

Of course, she’s married to a successful executive who takes her on vacations, so she doesn’t have to go alone. 

Thinking about her comment later, I realized she wasn’t judging me. 

She was being truthful: she would never go on vacation alone because she never has and it sounds scary.

Most of my married girlfriends tell me I’m “brave” when I go to the movies, dinner, the opera, conferences, or vacations alone. 

I don’t think of myself as brave; I decided as a single woman over 40, my choices were sit home alone, or go do stuff alone.  So I chose to do stuff alone.

But many people (including men!) won’t do things alone.  Often times, because they’re afraid of what other people think. 

While it’s true that if you live in a small town like I do, you may get some mean comments, if you don’t want to sit home alone, here’s how to get out there and have some fun.

Decide if you are willing to do things if you are alone. 

If you’re not, it’s okay. 

I will do almost anything alone except attend a black-tie event.  To me, it feels like going to prom alone, which I understand some people enjoy, but I don’t. 

Exception: I will go to black-tie events that are part of my career because I’m not going to miss out on good opportunities for lack of a date. 

Also useful: having a guy friend who you can trust who won’t embarrass you who can be your “date” in these situations.

Safety first. 

Don’t put yourself in a position of danger. 

When I travel alone, I travel to locations that are safe for single women, and I stay at reputable properties where I will be safe. 

I stay aware of my surroundings, and I don’t give out information that will compromise my security.

Start with some single-friendly activities. 

Go to a movie - if you walk in and sit down alone, most people will assume you’re meeting someone or your friend (mom, date, husband) is at the snack bar or in the restroom). 

These days, they’re all so focused on their phones, they don’t even notice you walk in.

Go to a symphony or a play. 

Once the lights go down, nobody knows where you’re sitting. 

Plus, you can schmooze with people in the lobby or mess with your phone during intermission - looks like you’re waiting for a friend.

Sit at the bar. 

I mean at a restaurant. 

When I’m traveling, I frequently sit at a sushi bar - it’s a great way to meet people, and there are a lot of single men and women who travel who are eating at the bar. 

Many restaurants serve food at the bar - it’s easier to get seated (especially for one!), and you’re in and out a lot quicker.

Having a life where you feel comfortable is part of what I call the One-Derful Life: being truly happy and peaceful even though I want a relationship, and even though I don't have one.

Before I forget - if you need some help getting over a broken heart, check out my ABC's of healing.  You'll be on your way to a One-Derful Life!

Question: What do you like to go out and do alone?