What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Part of life is dealing with the disappointment we feel when things don’t go our way.

Maybe the promotion we’d hoped for went to someone else.  Or we never heard back from that cute guy after 3 dates.  Or you made an offer on a house and it was rejected.

Even though we know things aren’t always going to turn out how we want them to, sometimes disappointment is harder to get over than we expect.  We hash and rehash it over in our minds, hoping to figure out where things went “wrong.”  

If you’ve ever had disappointment grow and take on a life of its own, you understand how important it is to keep your perspective so that you don’t slide down into an emotional pit of despair.

Here are some ways to keep the disappointment contained so that you can move on:

1. “This is what is supposed to be happening.”

Marie Forleo suggests saying, “And this is exactly what I wanted!” anytime something disappointing happens.  P...

Or, at Least Have Some Standards

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of us think we’re pretty special and unique.  While it’s good to have that view of ourselves, many times we seem pretty “basic” to men.  “Basic” means, not special or unique - just like every other woman.  Easy to anticipate our reactions.

While we may declare with confidence that we won’t do this or tolerate that, we frequently walk back those statements when it’s a man (or a job or a situation) we really want.

Maybe the key isn’t only in raising standards, perhaps it’s also in maintaining them.

Women are afraid that if our standards are high, men will label us as “high maintenance” or “difficult.”  Will you be more difficult than a basic chick?  Yes.  But, alpha males enjoy a challenge.  It’s been my experience that the only guys who complain about high standards are the ones who can’t meet them.

Now, “high” doesn’t mean “impossible.”  For example:

High standard: you require advance notice to accept a date.

I...

 And That’s a GOOD Thing!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Author Alison Armstrong says one of the biggest problems men and women have is that men see women as overly emotional men, and women see men as big, hairy women.

We’re in a culture that tells us that men and women are interchangeable.  While I’m all about equal opportunity and equitable pay, men and women are NOT the same!  Besides the biological differences, there are psychological differences that are hard-wired into our physiology.  Understanding these differences will help you in all of your relationships with the men in your life.

Women feel good when we connect; men feel good when they fix things.

As women, we feel better when we talk things out.  Sometimes we call this “venting.”  We don’t analyze to arrive at a solution, we analyze to feel better in the process of the analysis.

For men, the purpose of analysis is to arrive at a solution.  Therefore, when you are telling him for the 47th time about what a jerk your bo...

How to Save Yourself From the Terror of Singleness

by Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Is there someone for everyone?

One of the popular sayings we hear as singles is, “There’s someone for everyone.” 

Another favorite: “Every pot has a lid.” 

If you’re in the Christian community, people will quote Psalm 37:4: “If you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” 

We wander through our singleness, wanting a relationship, always waiting for that one person who will “complete” us.  Thanks, Jerry Maguire.

What if there ISN’T someone for everyone?  What if your pot doesn’t have a lid? 

What if God never gives you the desires of your heart?

One of my girlfriends always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  She is a dutiful daughter, a respected nurse, and a beloved friend.  She nursed her father through his cancer, and has taken care of her mother in the years since his death.  She is a wonderful “mom” to her fur-baby (a dog), and she teaches the 4-year old Sunda...

One Foot In Hope, The Other in Despair

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Recently, my dad shared an article with me from Pepperdine Magazine - the alumni publication from Pepperdine University.

In the article, Kelly Haer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and director of the Relationship IQ program at the Pepperdine Boone Center for the Family, proposes that one of the difficulties singles face is the ambiguous loss that comes from grieving the spouse they don’t have while still hoping they will marry.

Grief and loss are more clearly understood if your married and your partner dies or leaves.  But, the complex grief singles experience that comes from not having found the relationship they desire or the fear that it will never happen.

The article states that for Christians, relying on God’s faithfulness eases the pain, but my experience has been that believing God is “keeping me single for a greater purpose” is far from comforting!

For singles who do NOT wish to marry, this is ...

Yes, It’s Possible!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Covid-19 has created a surge in adults (and children!) who are suffering with anxiety and depression.  The isolation that has resulted from shutdowns and social distancing has added to those feelings, and has amplified feelings of loneliness, which exacerbates anxiety.

If you’re single, you may be frustrated because it seems even harder to meet a new love interest. Plus, you may be cut off from family and friends. This leaves you “alone in your head without adult supervision.”

I’m an introvert, and I was fine for about the first 2 months of the pandemic.  Then the loneliness and isolation from my family set in.  In addition, I found myself dealing with a health issue that created the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as a racing heart rate.  

Through this experience, I have learned some useful and effective ways to deal with anxiety, and I believe they will help you, too.

Tell yourself a story.  My sister-in-law taught me that wh...

But This Only Matters If You Want a Man!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A friend of mine in one of my online dating groups was lamenting her poor luck with online dating.  She is 55 and hasn’t been asked out on any dates at all.

After looking at her profile photo, a few of us commented that her short, grey hair, glasses, and no makeup is probably keeping her dateless.  Her response to this was that she probably just needed to give up on love and get used to being alone.

Hold it!

Whether or not we like this, it is a biological fact (and a truth of evolutionary psychology) that men value youth and beauty.  It has to do with a man’s DNA knowing that a young, attractive woman has a better chance of having many healthy children.  Even men who have had vasectomies value youth and beauty.  Even gay men value youth and “beauty”in other men.

In the same way that women are programmed to value resources and provision in a man, men value youth and beauty.  You can call them shallow or “dogs,”...

If You’re a Successful Woman, You May Be More Masculine Than You Think

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of the women I know want an alpha male.  Sadly, if you’re a successful, single woman, much of your success is probably due to you being an alpha female at work.

This is why Dr. Pat Allen says, “You can’t get laid and paid.”  Meaning, the skills that get you paid are the same skills that WON’T net you a relationship.

Dr. Allen says you can’t have two feminine energies in a relationship, and you cannot have two masculine energies.  This isn’t about gender.  If you have an alpha female, a beta male is the counterpart.  For an alpha male, a beta female is the best match.

Almost all of us are in our masculine energy at work.  How can you tell?  Masculine energy is giving, driving, accomplishing.  Feminine energy is receptive, creative, and open.  Masculine is doing; feminine is being.

I’m a teacher.  Yes, I am very feminine, but when I’m at work, I’m in my masculine energy.  That’...

Trust Your Gut - It’s ALWAYS Right

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In the TV show, “Scandal,” Olivia Pope used to brag that she trusted her gut because it was never wrong.

The good news is, gut accuracy isn’t a trait reserved for fictional heroines or “lucky” women.

We ALL have intuition that exists to serve us - men have it, but women are able to access our intuition more quickly.  Our problem is that we will frequently talk ourselves out of listening because sometimes our gut’s direction doesn’t make logical sense, or we feel “mean” about following it.

There’s a line in Girl With the Dragon Tattoo that goes something like, “People are more worried about offending someone else than they are about their own safety.”  The consequences of that can be deadly, and not just in the movies.

Whenever I have ignored my gut, I regretted it.  Every.  Single.  Time.  At work, in relationships, in friendships, with family, with my health.

Maybe intuition has a spiritual component.  Some people...

You're the Prize -  Start Acting Like It!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I recently heard Steve Harvey tell a woman, “Quit acting like he’s the prize!  YOU’RE the prize!”

She was trying to figure out how to get this man to want her, and Steve said, “Ladies - y’all need to quit acting like men are the prize.  YOU are the prize!”

That really hit me.

In this demographic, there are more single, professional women than single, professional men. 

Women all over the country complain about the dearth of good men. In this setting, it’s easy for women to get into the mindset that we need to “find a good man.”  We say our girlfriend is “lucky she found such a great guy.” 

We’re willing to negotiate and settle for less than we truly want because we’re afraid something better may never come along.

We put up with men who are disrespectful; men who won’t commit; men who don’t call when they say they will; men who cancel dates or stand us up; men who won’t plan dates; men who drink too much, ca...