Do You Need to Raise Your Standards?

Or, at Least Have Some Standards

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of us think we’re pretty special and unique.  While it’s good to have that view of ourselves, many times we seem pretty “basic” to men.  “Basic” means, not special or unique - just like every other woman.  Easy to anticipate our reactions.

While we may declare with confidence that we won’t do this or tolerate that, we frequently walk back those statements when it’s a man (or a job or a situation) we really want.

Maybe the key isn’t only in raising standards, perhaps it’s also in maintaining them.

Women are afraid that if our standards are high, men will label us as “high maintenance” or “difficult.”  Will you be more difficult than a basic chick?  Yes.  But, alpha males enjoy a challenge.  It’s been my experience that the only guys who complain about high standards are the ones who can’t meet them.

Now, “high” doesn’t mean “impossible.”  For example:

High standard: you require advance notice to accept a date.

Impossible: you will only go out to dinner at a 5-star restaurant.

High standard: he says he’ll call you tomorrow, but you don’t hear from him for 3 weeks, so you don’t answer the phone when he does eventually call.

Impossible: you expect him to call you 5 times a day.  (Besides, don’t you have things you should be doing?)

High standard: You are clear on what you are looking for in a man.

Impossible: You only date supermodels.  (Exception: if YOU are a supermodel, this is fine.)

Here are some standards every woman needs to have for a One-Derful Life:

You are a woman of your word and you expect the same from others.

The friend who rarely initiates time together or who cancels most of the time.  The guy who says, “I’ll call ya,” then never does.  The client who says she’ll get back to you but then won’t return your calls.

We are in a society where our words have lost value.  However, before you start calling out your friends and associates, make sure that YOU do what you say you will do.  

If you tell a friend you’ll call her, then call.  If you tell a salesperson you’ll get back to them with a decision, get back to them.  If you RSVP to attend an event, go to the event (unless there’s a legit reason you can’t attend, and Netflix is NOT a legit excuse!).

Only make commitments that you’re going to keep.  Don’t let your mouth write checks that you have no ability to keep or intention of keeping.

You are clear on what you want and you don’t accept substandard offers.

If you want a partner who has a successful career, don’t go have coffee with a guy who is “between jobs.”  

If chemistry is important to you, don’t keep dating a man you’re not attracted to.

If you want to make a certain amount of money, don’t accept a job making significantly less.  Your employer isn’t going to suddenly see your value and bump up your pay.  The time to negotiate the salary you want is before you take the job!

Accepting less than you want never leads to what you want.  It keeps you in “less than,” wondering why you never get what you want.  The reason you don’t get what you want: you settle for less.

You respect yourself and you require the same from everyone in your life.  Everyone.

You don’t stay in relationships where you are devalued.  You don’t sit silently while your family or your coworkers make unkind jokes at your expense, hoping they’ll see how hurt you are.  You don’t date men who you catch in lies.  And you certainly don’t stay in the relationship (even a marriage) thinking he’s going to start being honest.  If you stay, you’re as guilty as he is because you’re lying to yourself!

A man who shows up for a date when he’s already been drinking is disrespecting you.

A friend who is chronically late is disrespecting your time.

A boss who insults you does not respect your presence on the team.

And nobody is going to start respecting you if you don’t respect yourself enough to put an end to that behavior.

Part of having a One-Derful Life is respecting yourself enough that you don’t settle for crumbs from people - including yourself!  When you raise your standards, some people may exit your life, but you’ll be left with higher-quality relationships and you’ll feel good about yourself!

Low standards almost always lead to heartbreak.  If you’re suffering with a broken heart, check out our ABC’s of Healing - this free video will have you recovering and feeling One-Derful so you can enjoy your fabulous self.

Question: Do you need to raise your standards?