Successful Women Beware!

If You’re a Successful Woman, You May Be More Masculine Than You Think

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of the women I know want an alpha male.  Sadly, if you’re a successful, single woman, much of your success is probably due to you being an alpha female at work.

This is why Dr. Pat Allen says, “You can’t get laid and paid.”  Meaning, the skills that get you paid are the same skills that WON’T net you a relationship.

Dr. Allen says you can’t have two feminine energies in a relationship, and you cannot have two masculine energies.  This isn’t about gender.  If you have an alpha female, a beta male is the counterpart.  For an alpha male, a beta female is the best match.

Almost all of us are in our masculine energy at work.  How can you tell?  Masculine energy is giving, driving, accomplishing.  Feminine energy is receptive, creative, and open.  Masculine is doing; feminine is being.

I’m a teacher.  Yes, I am very feminine, but when I’m at work, I’m in my masculine energy.  That’s the agreement I have with my students: I give and they receive.  That energy doesn’t work if I want a masculine, alpha male.

Here’s how to tell if you’re being masculine:

1. You give too much

Masculine gives; feminine receives.  Feminine reciprocates, so if he gives to you first, you can give back, but always less than he gave to you.  Why?  It’s not a competition!  Men don’t want to compete with the women they love.  Don’t send him a birthday card.  Don’t text him and congratulate him on his team’s win.  Don’t cook him dinner just because he took you out once.

2. You initiate - you call, text, and suggest plans

I know, you’re afraid he’ll think you’re not interested or he’ll forget about you if you don’t remind him you’re alive.  Men don’t forget about women they’re interested in.  If you’re doing the calling, texting, and suggesting dates, you’re the man.  This is fine if you want to be the masculine energy in the relationship.  I have a couple of friends and she is the masculine energy.  She makes the decisions, she is the boss.  And they’re both really happy with that.  It depends on what you want.  Just understand that if you are the initiator, you will always be.  If you get married, you’ll be the one reminding him it’s your anniversary.  You’ll be making the dinner reservations and reminding him to buy you flowers.

3. You tell him what you want

Dr. Allen says the man says what he wants, and the woman responds with what she DOESN’T want.

For example, he says, “I want to take you to the new Italian place for dinner tonight.”  

If that suits her, great.  If not, she says, “I had Italian for lunch.  I really don’t want to eat it again for dinner.”  She stops talking.

He’s a problem solver!  Men love to solve problems!  He searches his mental database for a solution: “Well, how about that sushi bar you love?”

“Perfect!” she exclaims.  He’ll take her out to the Italian restaurant some other time.  She gets out of having spaghetti twice in one day, and he gets to solve a problem and make her happy.  She feels taken care of, and he feels like he has taken care of her.  This is a win-win.

When you are telling men what you want them to do, you are in the masculine role.  Or, you are acting like a mother, which is just as bad because men don’t want to date their mothers (and if they do, you have a much bigger problem on your hands).

Yes, I know it’s the new millennium.  But men’s and women’s biologies have not changed in millions of years.  This is evolutionary psychology, and you can’t circumvent it just because you have a Master’s degree.

If you’re a get-things-done type of woman, being feminine can be hard.  It takes confidence.  That confidence is at the root of your One-Derful Life.

It’s nearly impossible to feel confident if you’re suffering with a broken heart.  If that’s you, check out our ABC’s of Healing.  In this free video, we show you how to move past the heartache and get back to enjoying your life.

Question: Do you sometimes switch into your masculine in relationships with men?