Men Aren’t Women

 And That’s a GOOD Thing!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Author Alison Armstrong says one of the biggest problems men and women have is that men see women as overly emotional men, and women see men as big, hairy women.

We’re in a culture that tells us that men and women are interchangeable.  While I’m all about equal opportunity and equitable pay, men and women are NOT the same!  Besides the biological differences, there are psychological differences that are hard-wired into our physiology.  Understanding these differences will help you in all of your relationships with the men in your life.

Women feel good when we connect; men feel good when they fix things.

As women, we feel better when we talk things out.  Sometimes we call this “venting.”  We don’t analyze to arrive at a solution, we analyze to feel better in the process of the analysis.

For men, the purpose of analysis is to arrive at a solution.  Therefore, when you are telling him for the 47th time about what a jerk your boss is, his solution is, “You should quit.”  You feel he doesn’t understand you, now you’re mad at him because he’s insensitive.

Alison Armstrong says men don’t like “issues” because issues are ongoing with no solution.  Problems have solutions!

If you just need to process, tell him that.  Or, talk to your girlfriends until you’re ready for a fix - then talk to the man.

Women collaborate; men compete.

This is especially evident in communication.  Women interrupt each other because we tend to help each other tell a story or arrive at a point.  Or, we interject to show support and understanding.  

Have you ever noticed that men can get very irritated when you interrupt them?  That’s because in the male paradigm, interrupting is a sign of disrespect.  It’s a way to one-up the other guy and prove yourself to be the alpha.

Men don’t want to compete with the women they love - that’s reserved for other men.  They also don’t like being interrupted in general.  Practice not interrupting the men you speak to.  Let your boss, your colleagues, your dad finish what they are saying.  Many times, you will glean information that you would have missed had you interrupted.  Plus, the man will feel more respected, which will make him more willing to talk.

Women say yes; men are good at saying no.

Women do what other people want us to do because we prioritize relationships.  Think about it: if your best friend is having a birthday party and you’re dead tired and don’t want to go, you will drag yourself there because, “She’ll be upset if I’m not there.”

A man will text his buddy and say, “Dude, I’m not coming tonight.  I’ll take you out for a beer next week.”

Part of the reason for the pay gap between men and women is that women are terrible negotiators.  We don’t want anyone to be mad at us, so we say yes to whatever is offered.  A man will hold out, saying no until he gets what he wants.

Women multitask; men focus.

Women can type a report, think about what to have for dinner, and miss her beloved all at once.  Men don’t do that.

When we were cavemen, women had to be able to gather food, be aware that no tigers were lurking about, all while keeping an eye on the children.  Men had to be able to focus in on what they were hunting because distraction meant a missed shot, and that meant no food for the tribe.

If a man is busy with something, don’t interrupt him.  And, give him time to make the mental switch to a new topic or activity.

Women prioritize relationships; men prioritize results.

A woman will stay in a terrible job because she loves her boss and doesn’t want to bail on the team.  Men prioritize production and results.  If his boss is his best friend from high school, but he’s not making enough money, he’ll find a new job.

The great thing about the differences between men and women is that they allow us to bring completely different perspectives to situations.

Rather than trying to get men to act more like women, we need to recognize and appreciate how men are different.  If you want someone like you, talk to your girlfriend!  But if you want a different perspective - one that you hadn’t thought about - listen to man.  You don’t have to take his advice, but perhaps you can factor it in and get a result that is better than what you could have gotten alone.

Part of living a One-Derful Life is learning new ways of doing things.  What better teacher than someone who is completely different from you?

It’s hard to trust men if you’re suffering with a broken heart.  If that’s you, check out our ABC’s of Healing. This free video will show you how to move past the heartache so you can get on with your One-Derful Life.

Question: do you get frustrated because you think men are “hairy women?”