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Sounds Like Work (And It Feels Like Work)

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you’ve read anything about dating, you may have heard the term “duty dating.”  This phrase was coined by Dr. Pat Allen, and the idea is that you go on dates with several men - even if you’re not necessarily interested in them.

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has a similar approach: a pair and a spare.  Two guys you really like, and one that you think is nice, but may not really be Mr. Right.

The reason to duty date is that it keeps you “out there,” not getting hung up on one guy.  It allows you to “practice” dating and to keep meeting men because you never know when you’ll meet The One.

Many times, women take themselves off the market when they meet someone they like, but then when it doesn’t work out, they have wasted time and energy and feel more hurt because he was the focus of their...

Free Your Friends By Detaching

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I think we’ve all had the experience of the friend who gets a new man, then you don’t hear from her unless he’s out of town or they break up.

If you’re like most of us, maybe you’ve been that friend!  In my younger days, I would ditch a friend to accept a last-minute date with a guy.  Or, I’d go on a date even if I was sick with a terrible cold, but cancel on a girlfriend because I was tired or just “didn’t feel like” going.

It is completely natural to want to spend every possible moment with your Mr. Right.  It’s easy to let your friendships slip away and just focus in on your beloved.  Part of that is how we’re wired as women, but we also need our girlfriends!  And not just the ones we double date with!

What if you and your beloved break up?  Many times, the couple you hung out with feel like they have to choose sides, and...

Yes, There is Such a Thing as Being Too Nice

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I thought I was been nice.  Accommodating. Flexible.

Turns out, I was being a doormat.

Most people wouldn’t think of me as a “doormat” type of girl.  I’m confident, I’m sassy, and I have informed opinions.

I also don’t want people to be mad at me, and therefore I tend to prioritize the happiness of others over my own.

I didn’t want to be perceived as “difficult” or “high maintenance,” lest a man not want to be bothered with my needs or desires.

I was dating someone once who was an avid deer hunter.  It was deer season, and we had a dinner date scheduled for 6:30pm.  He texted that he needed to move it to 7 - he was going hunting.  Then, 7:30 - he was still in the deer stand.  Finally, at 8:30, he arrived to pick me up.

I like to eat dinner early.  I’ve never been a fan of 9pm dinners.

Did I say...

The One Thing I Hated in Life is the Only Thing That Could Bring Me Happiness

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In Part 1, we looked at how singleness was the only way I could have what I truly craved: a sense of wholeness and completion.

In his book, The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday uses the Roman philosophy of stoicism to teach the idea that the problem is actually the solution.  In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (a noted stoic) writes, “The impediment to action advances action.  What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Let’s say you’re unemployed and can’t find a job.  Your lack of income forces you to get creative, so you bake some of your grandmother’s chocolate cupcakes and sell them for $1 each.  The cupcakes are such a hit, you take the money and buy more ingredients for more cupcakes.  The more you sell, the more the word spreads about your amazing cupcakes.  Before long, you have enough business...

How The One Thing I Hated Gave Me What I Wanted Most

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I struggled with feelings of not being complete or whole.  

I’ve always wanted to be married and have a family, so being single has always left a huge void in my life.  When you desire a husband and children, getting a dog or babysitting for friends just isn’t an acceptable substitute.

Even though I knew intellectually that I didn’t need a man to complete me, I want what women are biologically programmed to want: a partner and a family.  Friends, volunteer work, and pets just don’t fill that need.  They can be a lovely distraction, but they’re not the same as a husband and a family of one’s own.

Meanwhile, I found something interesting in James 1:2-4.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must...

Ladies Inspire Others!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

This is the second part of our Be A Lady series. Click here to read Part 1.

A lady takes care of herself.  Ladies don’t shlump around town in their sweats.  They wouldn’t be caught running out for a quick coffee in their ratty t-shirt and pajama pants. 

I recently saw a photo of a movie star wearing paint-splattered jeans.  And not in an haute-couture kind of paint-splattered style.  They were old, paint-splattered jeans.  Not cute, and not flattering.  Those may be fine for when you’re home (painting), but when you go out, throw on a pair of well-fitting leggings or skinny jeans.

I used to NEVER leave my house in anything lower than a 3-inch heel.  Today, I’d rather wear my cute Vans (hello, leopard print!) or my ballerina flats, or my clean, cute sneakers.  Even if I’m wearing what I’ll wear to my yoga class later, my...

Ladies Aren’t Doormats!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I know times are always a-changin’, but one thing I believe never goes out of style: acting like a lady.

You wouldn’t know it looking at today’s “influencers.”  Many of our “style icons” bombard us with attacks on others, in-your-face cleavage and body parts, f-bombs, and newsfeeds full of shade and negativity.

But when I look at great ladies in the past - Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy - I’m reminded of the charm, elegance, and grace that ladylike behavior contributes to any environment.  

Some of my modern-day inspiration for ladylike charm comes from people like Kate Middleton, Amal Clooney, and Queen Letizia of Spain.

I’m far from perfect, but I’ve come up with a few points I believe describe a lady.

But, first: what is a lady NOT?

The word “lady” may conjure up an image of a helpless damsel dropping her...

They Probably Did the Best They Could

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most of us can look back on something our parents did - or didn’t - do and wish it had been different.

My mom confided to me recently that watching my brother and his wife raise their two children is very different from the way she and my dad raised us.  

“We just didn’t know what you know now,” she said.  “We followed the most current advice and the best practices at the time, but now there’s so much more knowledge and information I wish we’d had.”

It’s true.  Forty years later, people raise their children differently than many of us were raised.

Maybe you don’t have any issues about how you were raised - that’s great.  This may not be for you, or you may be able to apply it to another situation in your life.

I’ve had a number of men complain about women’s baggage - it’s the bitterness and the drama they are...

Relax - That’s Good News!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

There’s a line in Elizabeth, starring Cate Blanchett, where one of Queen Elizabeth’s advisors tell her, “Men want to touch the Divine.”  He was saying that men want someone to inspire them.  Someone they can fight for and impress and please.

I think we all want that, actually.  Who among us doesn’t want a hero?  Don’t we all want someone we can look up to, believe in, follow?

In case you’re worried because you feel like you are the absolute opposite of a goddess, I have good news for you.  Men generally see women as goddesses.  They see us as soft, beautiful, mysterious creatures who are very different from them.  They know we’re not perfect, but they want us anyway.

While it’s true that there are men who hate women, the majority of men are intrigued by women.  That is, until we discourage them or destroy their...

Be the director, not the starving artist!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A popular technique used by PUA’s (pick up artists, if you’re not familiar with the term) is to “neg” women.  This is where they give you a backhanded compliment (“You’re pretty, for a redhead.”) or they express “concerns” about dating you.  (“I’ve heard you’re a Dragon Lady and I don’t want to get hurt.”) 

These tactics are designed to get a woman to work hard to gain the guy’s approval or to show him she’s not what he’s accusing her of.  

One guy told me he was concerned about us dating because I have a Master’s degree and he “mopped floors in college.”  (By the way, like most college students, I worked a variety of low-paying, menial jobs, too!). This caused me to launch into sales mode to convince him we had a lot in common.

Another time, he said...