It’s OK to NOT Be OK With Being Single

It’s Good to Want a Relationship

This post is part of our January series: Acknowledging the Ache of Singleness

Shouldn’t I Be OK With Being Single?

Our culture often tells women that we shouldn’t need anyone.
That independence is the ultimate goal.
That wanting a relationship means we’re weak, needy, or clinging to a fairy tale.

So if you feel a deep desire for love, partnership, and family, you may quietly wonder if something is wrong with you.

I used to tell people, “I don’t need a man.”

But in my heart, I knew that wasn’t true.

I wanted a relationship. I wanted marriage. I wanted family. And for a long time, I felt embarrassed to admit that. It sounded old-fashioned. Unmodern. Unempowered.

Yet Scripture tells a different story.

God created us for relationship. He created Eve with a desire for her husband. Wanting love, companionship, and family is not weakness — it’s part of how God designed us.

And yet, many of us are over 40 and still single.

So we walk around feeling like we’re missing something important.
And sometimes we feel ashamed for wanting what our hearts still long for.

It’s OK to want a relationship

There is a difference between wanting a relationship and believing a relationship will fix you.

A healthy desire for partnership comes from wholeness — not from brokenness.

High-quality men want women who are emotionally whole — not perfect, but grounded, secure, and self-aware. They want a partner, not a project.

If you feel like you need a relationship to feel worthy, loved, or complete, that’s a wound worth tending to — gently, with support and compassion.

But wanting a husband, a family, and a shared life is not something you need to apologize for.

It’s part of your heart.

Listening to God instead of culture

God designed us with longing.
Longing for love.
Longing for companionship.
Longing to build a life with someone.

That doesn’t make us foolish.
It makes us human.

Our culture often tells women they shouldn’t want a man who leads, provides, protects, and commits. But many women still long for exactly that — and that desire isn’t wrong.

It doesn’t mean women are weak.
It doesn’t mean men are shallow.
It means God created men and women with complementary desires.

And when we deny our own longings, we end up confused, frustrated, and disconnected from our own hearts.

The danger of settling

One of the hardest lessons I learned is that wanting a relationship can sometimes tempt us to accept one that isn’t right for us.

I once loved a man deeply and believed we were headed toward marriage. When that ended, I convinced myself I shouldn’t be so selective. I tried to be “less picky.” I told myself love should be enough.

But I eventually realized that I was being asked to carry a role I was never meant to carry — emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

And I knew in my bones:
This is not the life I want.

I am capable of supporting myself.
I am capable of caring for others.
But I also desire a partnership where we stand shoulder to shoulder.

So yes — I would prefer a relationship.
But I would rather be peaceful and single than settle for something that will slowly erode my joy.

A One-Derful Life

This is what I call a One-Derful Life:
Being truly happy and peaceful while single — even though you still desire a relationship.

Not because you gave up on love.
Not because you stopped wanting marriage.
But because you chose to build a full, meaningful life right now.

Longing and hope can feel tangled. This free teaching, The ABCs of Healing, helps you understand the grief underneath — and the path forward.
🔗 https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/abcsofhealing

It’s there to walk with you gently toward peace.

Final Reflection

Is it okay to want a relationship?

Absolutely.

And it’s also okay to build a beautiful life while you wait.