Make This Season Count

Don't Waste This Time in Your Life

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I’m writing this after having spent the weekend sick.  Confined to my couch with a box of tissues and lacking the energy to do anything but whimper, I spent three days watching my to-do list grow longer and more intimidating.

One of the things I hate about being sick is that I enjoy being productive.  I get a lot of pleasure and purpose from checking things off my list of tasks and having results to show for my time.  Because I lacked the ability to do much of anything, I was becoming anxious about the amount of work that I knew I would need to catch up on once I felt better.

Knowing I was facing several days of being down, I decided that I didn’t want to waste this crisis.  That’s not an original thought: I heard “don’t waste a crisis” somewhere.  I also remembered the words of one of my favorite authors and teachers, Iyanla Vanzant, who, when facing tough times, tells herself and others, “I can hardly wait to see the good that’s going to come out of this.”

I don’t believe that “everything happens for a reason.”  However, I do believe that we can learn something from any situation, and we can use any trial to our benefit.  To that end, I used my sick time to watch a set of spiritual teaching DVD’s and to clean up my diet.

I’ve counseled several students recently who are going through tough times: breakups with boyfriends, deaths in families or of high school friends, parents who are critically ill.  I notice that many of them beat themselves up for their grades slipping, or an inability to focus on their schoolwork. 

I tell them that their mental and emotional energy is like their bank account: finite and limited!  Emotional drama and life issues take energy and focus away, leaving us less to work with in other areas of our lives. 

Sometimes, the focus just has to be on getting through the day and putting one foot in front of the other. Rather than getting a 4.0 this semester, focus on doing your best – understanding that your “best” during this season may be mostly C’s and a few B’s.  Is that ideal?  No.  But you can’t expect to function at 100% when your brain is at 40% because of life stress and emotional trials.

When I was grieving my stepmom’s death a few years ago, I knew my focus had to be on my own emotional healing.  I've watched people avoid grief, and I knew that anything I didn’t deal with would be waiting for me down the road. 

I’m not going to say it was an easy process, but by being willing to grieve and feel what I was feeling and work through my grief instead of running from it, I was able to come out the other side with a sense of peace and closure.  I still miss my stepmom, but I don’t have the pain and deep sense of loss that I had while grieving her death.

Right now, I’m in a season of singleness (which I’ve been in for a long time!), but with a twist: I've given up on finding a relationship.  This gives me more time and energy to focus on serving my students and my One-Derful Life tribe.

What season are you in?  Maybe you’ve just started dating someone.  Enjoy it! If the relationship goes for the long term, you’ll never again have the excitement of the first few months.  

Maybe your relationship ended.  I’m not suggesting that you should “enjoy” the end of the relationship (or, maybe you should!), but don’t waste this time!  Rather than jumping into the next one, take some time and look at what went wrong; get to know yourself; get clear about what you have to offer and what you’re looking for.  

Your beloved just told you he needs some “space?” That’s tough and scary, but it could be a gift.  This gives you the opportunity to think about the relationship.  Is this really what YOU want?  Are you being too clingy or demanding or putting too much pressure on yourself and him?  Use the time to reconnect with your friends, your life, and your Self.

Make the most of whatever season you are in.  If you can enjoy it, do so!  If not, at least don’t waste this time – use it to make your life more One-Derful!