YOU’RE the Prize!

So Start Acting Like It!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I recently heard Steve Harvey tell a woman, “Quit acting like he’s the prize!  YOU’RE the prize!”

She was trying to figure out how to get this man to want her, and Steve said, “Ladies - y’all need to quit acting like men are the prize.  YOU are the prize!”

That really hit me.

In this demographic, there are more single, professional women than single, professional men. 

Women all over the country complain about the dearth of good men. In this setting, it’s easy for women to get into the mindset that we need to “find a good man.”  We say our girlfriend is “lucky she found such a great guy.” 

We’re willing to negotiate and settle for less than we truly want because we’re afraid something better may never come along.

We put up with men who are disrespectful; men who won’t commit; men who don’t call when they say they will; men who cancel dates or stand us up; men who won’t plan dates; men who drink too much, care too little, and don’t want to be bothered with your feelings.

In his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey says that if there were no women, men wouldn’t shower, shave, buy furniture, or have kitchens.  They would have a recliner, a TV, and a decent enough car to get them through a drive-thru.  They wouldn’t workout, they wouldn’t want to be financially successful, and they wouldn’t care about what they wore.

If you think about it, many wars and battles have been fought over women.  Men are competitive for women.  Even in the animal kingdom, males will try to win the females’ attention.

The problem today is that many women want to “find a man.”  But, in Proverbs 18:22 we read that, “He who finds a wife finds a wife finds a good thing.” 

He. Finds. Her.

The demographic climate we’re in (especially if you’re over 40) makes women feel we need to compete for the men.  As if THEY’RE the prize!  This leads women to get into a “pick me” mindset.  Sadly, for men, this translates into low confidence and is the hallmark of a low-value woman.

“But, if I don’t get out there proactively and look for love I’ll end up alone.” 

Or, you might go out there and chase men like they’re prizes and still end up alone.  And all that time and energy you spent on trying to catch a man could have been invested in making your life really amazing.

Do men care about this?  I think they do.

Men are competitive.  They like sports. They will race their cars informally on the street just to beat the guy in the lane next to them. They bet on everything from golf to the Super Bowl to whether or not they can sink a wad of paper into the trash can from 12 feet away. 

Why do they compete?  To win.  What do you win?  A prize.

Every person - especially a man! - wants to win!  Nobody wants to lose (unless it’s that last 5 pounds)!  

Maybe you’re worried men won’t think you’re a prize.  Ladies, that is a huge problem!  If you don’t think you’re a prize, men absolutely won’t think you’re one. 

You have to BE the prize first and then he’ll see you as a prize.  If his approval is what you need, then HE’S the prize.

By the way, if a man doesn’t think you’re the prize, you don’t want him.  He will devalue you, take you for granted, and eventually leave you for the woman he thinks IS a prize.

It’s not about looks or youth.  It’s about mindset.

George Clooney was a confirmed bachelor.  He had a string of beautiful girlfriends over the years, but would never commit to marriage. 

When he met Amal Alamuddin, he was smitten.  I think Amal is strikingly beautiful, but some people might say some of his other ladies were prettier. 

Reportedly, Amal acted like George was no big deal.  She turned him down for dinner at least twice.  She was the prize.

While in college, Kate Middleton, in response to a girl telling her she was lucky to be dating Prince William, said, “He’s lucky to be dating ME.”  She was the prize.

These ladies were in touch with their prize status BEFORE they met these guys.

How do you get into the “I’m a Prize” mindset? 

It starts with having a One-Derful Life.  You are confident, at peace, and you’re happy in your life.  You want a relationship, but you’re not desperate.  You have truly accepted that being single would be preferable to being in a relationship where you are tolerated rather than celebrated. 

When you’re going through the mental machinations of wondering why he hasn’t called or texted, you stop yourself and remember YOU are the prize. 

That feels more One-Derful than obsessively checking your phone!

Question: Do you truly feel like YOU are the prize?