What Does “Love Yourself” Mean?


Self-Respect Makes You Sexy!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.


One of the pieces of advice that has always confused me is when someone says, “You just need to love yourself.”

What does that mean?

For me, self-love is a tough concept to grasp.  But, it seems to be a recurring theme so I wanted to understand it!

I started to see that one way to define self love is “self respect.”  If you love something, you value it.  If you value it, you take care of it.

If you love yourself, you take care of yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally.

When you love yourself, you don’t put yourself in harm’s way.  You don’t place the other person’s wellbeing ahead of your own (unless they are your child). 

You don’t do things that devalue yourself (like being hungover at work or dating married men).  You don’t let other people devalue you or disrespect you. 

What’s interesting is that men find women who respect themselves incredibly attractive.

Men are hunters.  They are competitive.  They want to win and they want good things (don’t we all!).

I have NEVER met a man who couldn’t tell me what his dream car was.  And no man says his dream car is a busted-up junker with a weak engine.

When a man sees you disrespecting yourself, he questions your value.

When a man sees you allowing others (including him!) to disrespect you, he questions your value.  In fact, men will sometimes test you to see what you will put up with.

Most men aren’t going to take a woman who devalues herself and try to help her see how valuable she is.  Why?  Because men want to be inspired by women.  He doesn’t want another fix-it project.  

Destroy your copy of “Pretty Woman” starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.  It is completely unrealistic and written for women to play into the fantasy we have that some (rich) guy will come along and find our self worth for us.

In reality, high value men DON’T value prostitutes.  Why?  Prostitutes are commodities.  Like valets or bellhops.

Here’s what self-love in the form of self-respect looks like:

  • You don’t wait around when he’s late for a date. 
  • You don’t answer the phone when he finally calls, even though it’s been 6 weeks. 
  • You don’t continue dating a man who gets drunk in your presence. 
  • You are not available for “booty calls.” 
  • You don’t communicate with me who are mean, insulting, or who make you feel “less than.” 
  • You don’t chase men. 
  • You don’t accept last-minute dates.

When I started evaluating my own behavior in terms of self-respect, my life became more One-Derful. 

I don’t wait by the phone.  I don’t wait for dates that never materialize or that stand me up.  I don’t allow people to devalue me by insulting me or acting as if I’m not there.

Does this feel uncomfortable?  Yes - especially if you’re not used to doing it!

But if you want to be happier in your life, you must love and respect yourself enough to take care of yourself.

Your value doesn’t come from other people thinking you are valuable.  Other people will ONLY think you are valuable if you think that first.

If you’re struggling with heartbreak, it’s hard to feel valuable.  If that’s you right now, check out our ABC’s of Healing - this free video training will give you simple, step-by-step instructions to help you move past the heartache so you can feel One-Derful again.

Question: what does self-respect look like to you?

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