Things Aren’t Always Cooler in the Shade

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

One of my girlfriends recently had an experience that we can all benefit from.

One of her neighbors was being very flirty with her.  He was bringing the compliments and the sweet words, and eventually asked her to dinner.  She found him very attractive and she liked his personality.  Except for one thing:  he’s married.

The only way she suspected this was because when he was moving in a few months ago, a woman was helping him.

He is in town on a work assignment that will last months.

When he asked her out, she asked if he is married.  “Separated,” he answered.

OK - stop here.

One thing you need to know about shady guys is that they will play semantics and split hairs, all while justifying that they aren’t lying to you (omitting key information is fine, though).  

In this case, I’m sure he meant “separated,” as in: we’re living in separate locations.  On my taxes I claim the maintenance of a “separate househ...

Which Role Are You Playing?

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

As women, we frequently like the fairy tales where the princess is rescued by Prince Charming.  While it’s fashionable to bash these damsel-in-distress stories, there is some biological basis to them.  As women, we want community and connection, and we want a man to provide for us.

In many ways, our culture supports us in identifying ourselves as victims.  While it’s out-of-vogue to use the word “victim,” it’s very much “in” to talk about your past trauma, your current drama, and how you were messed up by your dad or mama.

But, who are you rooting for in an action movie?  The hero or the victim?  The hero, of course!  

“Wonder Woman” was a blockbuster hit in 2017.  Nobody’s waiting for “‘Why Me?’ Woman” to come out!

If you have suffered a major trauma, then it’s time to deal with that.  And it’s unlikely that you can process it and heal without professional help.  Get a therapist, get a support group, get a coach - whateve...

What Are You Passionate About?

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Most people can name very few Supreme Court justices, yet they can name all of the Kardashians (and their exes).

I believe we’re living in an “entertainment” culture - we want to be stimulated and we’re constantly looking for the latest info, trending topics, and hot gossip.

 I’ve heard my friends say they fear men will find them “boring,” but I say that what makes you interesting is having interests!

While a man may not share your passion for knitting or your joy over your vintage Tupperware collection, most men aren’t worried about the object of your passion - they are intrigued by the fact that you’re passionate about SOMETHING!

When I say, “passionate,” don’t mean sexually (although who doesn’t love that?).  I mean that state when you’re in the zone, your face lights up, and you are excited about something.  Maybe it’s yoga, maybe it’s champion-level Tiddly WInks, maybe it’s making your own soap.

Why do men love a ...

Why Keeping it Real is Sexy

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

A friend of mine recently posted in a dating group: “What should I say when a man asks me what I like to read.”

My answer: be authentic - what do you like to read?

In surveys, men report confidence as being the number one sexiest trait a woman can possess. Number two is authenticity.

What does it mean to be authentic? When you’re authentic, you are being real. You’re truthful. You’re genuine. I mean, don’t take that to the extreme, but stop trying to figure out what he wants to hear!

The reason men are attracted to authenticity is because an authentic woman is a confident woman with healthy boundaries and an intact sense of self-worth.

Authentic women are straight-shooters and men respect that! Men say authenticity is important to them, but first let’s understand what authenticity is NOT:

Authenticity is NOT bombarding him with ALL of the truth RIGHT AWAY. Telling someone everything about you, your past, your fears, an...

How to Be the Confident, Sexy Woman Men Say They Want

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, men have reported that confidence is one of the traits that makes a woman “sexy.”  A woman may be beautiful, but if she’s insecure and needy, that will diminish her sexiness in a man’s eyes.

We all want to be more confident.  From my college students to the groups of professionals I speak to, one of the most requested topics I speak on is confidence.  It seems we all want to feel more confident!

What is confidence?  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “confident” as, “Full of conviction; certain; having or showing assurance and self-reliance.”  

I like this definition because it’s based on self-reliance, not on external circumstances or the opinions of others.

As single women, it can be difficult to feel confident - especially when you’re over 40.  If you’re like me, and you’ve never been married, “never being picked” can be a blow to your confidence.  If you’re divorced, you may feel t...

NOW Is the Time!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Many of us single ladies want to find our Boaz.  Our Prince Charming.  Our Mr. Right.

But, are YOU a Good Thing?  Are you His Fairy Princess? Are you Ms. Right?

We all think we are that Good Thing, but you’re NOT if you are a mess, honey!

I’ve gone on dates with men who turned out to be between jobs, recently unemployed, in debt, recently separated, and a host of other dramas.  I wanted to say, “Get Your S2G (get your s**t together!) and THEN look for a woman!”

While men don’t evaluate women on the same grounds that women use to evaluate men, men do want someone who has her S2G.

You don’t need to earn his level of income.  You don’t necessarily need to own your own home.  You don’t need to be perfect.

But you do need to be a Good Thing.  Yes, men love to fix things, but a healthy man is looking for a partner, not a project. 

Here are some areas where you need to have your S2G:

Your home.  Whether you rent or own, are you taking c...

Does It Even Matter Anymore?

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

When I’m teaching my college students about business ethics, we cover the topic of “situational ethics.”  

Situational ethics are values that change with the circumstances.  For example, you may say it’s wrong to commit adultery, but it’s okay if the partners don’t love each other and are “only staying together legally for the children.”

As single women, it can be frustrating when we see others doing “the wrong thing” but getting rewarded.  

I don’t date married men, but I’ve known plenty of women who do and whose lovers left their wives!

It’s not only in dating.  Maybe there’s that coworker who cuts corners and is dishonest, but she gets a promotion.  Or your child loses a spot on the cheerleading team because the daughter of the coach’s best friend tried out. - your kid was clearly superior, but she lost out because of “politics.”

There’s so much opportunity today to be shady and it seems like it’s everywhere!  From po...

It Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

If you've ever been through a painful breakup, you know the only thing worse is a LONG, painful breakup.

Please note: In this article I am NOT talking about divorce.  I have never been married; thus, I have never gone through a divorce.  This article is about breaking up with someone you have been dating.

Not as painful as a divorce is ending a relationship with someone you live with.

I was in a relationship a long time ago, and we lived together.  The breakup was very painful and stressful.

Today, I would never live with a man until we’re married.  That is not a moral judgment - it’s just that my desire is to be married, and extramarital cohabitation has been shown to make men LESS likely to marry you!

But what about relationships where you’re not married and not living together?

We all struggle with ending things - whether it’s been one date or one decade.

Recently, I asked a friend how her college-age daughter wa...

If you’re looking for a dating Tudor, she’s the best!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

 It started with Netflix’s “The Crown.”

 Then it was “Victoria” on Amazon Prime.

 Then it was every movie or miniseries on Queen Elizabeth I that I could find.

 Now I’ve moved on to the English-subtitled Russian TV production of “Ekaterina” (about Catherine the Great).

I’m not sure why I’ve become enamored of history’s great queens, but I suspect it’s because they had to use their wits and charm to survive and maintain control.  In a time when courtiers jockeyed for status and many men believed women were not fit to reign, ruling queens had to be twice as adept at maneuvering than their male counterparts.

I especially admire Queen Elizabeth I, who reigned from 1558-1603.  Sometimes called, “The Virgin Queen,” she never married and she never had children.  She had many suitors, but she never took a husband.

I’m aware that movies and television shows take a certain amount of literary license.  Aft...

This is for me, but you’re welcome to read along, Friend!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know you need boundaries.  And, most of us think we’re pretty good at setting them.  This is true: we’re good at setting boundaries; where we stink is in protecting the boundaries.

How many times have you said (to yourself or to others), the next time X happens, I’m going to Y.  And then you don’t follow through with Y.  You draw a line in the sand, and then you step back and draw another line.

There are many good books on boundaries.   One of my favorites is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.  They have several follow-up books, including Boundaries in Dating, which I highly recommend.

Setting a boundary is easy.  It’s being willing to deliver the consequences for a boundary violation that can be difficult.  Especially if the other person pushes back.

I don’t have children, but what I’ve learned from my friends who do is that when a...