High Standards Aren’t the Problem — Not Keeping Them Is

Most of us like to think we’re special and unique — and in many ways, we are. But in dating and relationships, our behavior can become very predictable.

We may declare with confidence what we will and will not tolerate… until we meet someone we really want. Then suddenly, those standards start to soften, bend, or disappear altogether.

So perhaps the issue isn’t only raising standards.
Perhaps it’s maintaining them.

Many women worry that having standards will make them seem “difficult” or “high maintenance.” In reality, healthy people don’t resent standards — they respect them. The people who complain about your boundaries are often the ones who benefit from you not having any.

And having standards doesn’t mean being rigid or unrealistic. There’s a difference between healthy expectations and impossible demands.

For example:

Healthy standard: You require advance notice before accepting a date.
Unrealistic demand: You’ll only go out to five-star restaurants.

Healthy standard: If he says he’ll call and disappears for weeks, you don’t rearrange your life when he resurfaces.
Unrealistic demand: You expect constant communication throughout the day.

Healthy standard: You’re clear about what you’re looking for in a partner.
Unrealistic demand: Only someone flawless will do.

Standards aren’t about perfection. They’re about alignment.

Here are a few standards that support a peaceful, One-Derful Life:

You Are a Person of Your Word — And You Value the Same in Others

We live in a time when commitments are often treated casually. People say, “I’ll call you,” or “We should get together,” without any real intention behind it.

Before evaluating others, start with yourself.

If you say you’ll call, call.
If you RSVP, show up — unless something truly prevents it.
If you make a commitment, honor it.

When you treat your own word as valuable, you naturally gravitate toward people who do the same.

You Are Clear About What You Want — And You Don’t Accept Less Just to Avoid Being Alone

If a certain quality matters to you — shared values, emotional maturity, stability, attraction — it’s okay to wait for it.

Accepting less rarely leads to eventually getting what you want. More often, it keeps you stuck in something that doesn’t truly satisfy you.

This applies beyond dating, too. Jobs, friendships, business relationships — settling out of fear tends to produce more fear, not less.

Clarity isn’t cruelty. It’s honesty.

You Respect Yourself — And Require Respect From Others

Respect shows up in everyday behavior.

A date who arrives intoxicated.
A friend who is chronically late without apology.
A boss who belittles you.
A partner who is dishonest.

You don’t need dramatic confrontations. Often, respect is maintained simply by stepping back, speaking calmly, or refusing to continue in situations that diminish you.

People take their cues from what we tolerate.

You Understand That Raising Standards May Change Your Relationships

Not everyone will remain comfortable when you stop over-accommodating. Some people may drift away.

But what remains is usually healthier, calmer, and more reciprocal.

And most importantly, you’ll feel better about yourself.

Part of a One-Derful Life is refusing to live on emotional crumbs — from others or from yourself.

Low standards often lead to heartbreak. But strong, compassionate standards create peace, clarity, and room for the right people to enter your life.

If you’re currently healing from heartbreak, I created a free training called the ABC’s of Healing to help you recover and move forward with confidence.

You don’t have to harden your heart to protect it.
You just need standards strong enough to support it.

Question: Is there an area of your life where you need to maintain — not just raise — your standards?