You Are the Prize

Why You Don’t Have to Compete to Be Chosen
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I once heard Steve Harvey tell a woman:

“Quit acting like he’s the prize. You’re the prize.”

That really stayed with me.

She was trying to figure out how to get a man to want her — how to say the right things, do the right things, be the kind of woman he would choose.

And his response flipped the entire dynamic.

When You Think He’s the Prize

Many women — especially successful, single women — quietly believe that finding a good man is the goal.

We talk about friends who are “lucky” to have found someone great.

We start to feel like we need to position ourselves well… present ourselves well… compete, just a little, for attention.

And without even realizing it, we shift into a mindset where:

He is the prize.
And we are trying to be chosen.

That mindset leads to compromise.

We tolerate inconsistency.
We overlook disrespect.
We accept less than what we actually want.

Not because we don’t know better — but because we’re afraid something better may not come along.

The Problem with Competing

When you believe you have to compete for a man, you start to operate from scarcity.

You give more than you should.
You overlook things you shouldn’t.
You adjust yourself to try to keep his interest.

But here’s the truth:

When you act like you’re trying to win someone over, you position yourself as less valuable — not more.

And over time, that dynamic tends to work against you.

A Different Perspective

There’s a line in Proverbs 18:22:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing.”

Notice — he finds her.

That doesn’t mean you sit back and do nothing.

But it does mean you don’t need to chase, convince, or compete to be chosen.

Your role isn’t to prove your worth.

It’s to recognize it.

What It Means to Be the Prize

Being “the prize” isn’t about arrogance or superiority.

It’s about how you see yourself.

It’s the difference between:

“I hope he chooses me”
and
“I will choose what’s right for me.”

When you see yourself as the prize:

You don’t tolerate disrespect.
You don’t stay in situations that don’t align with your values.
You don’t chase attention or consistency.

And if someone doesn’t recognize your value, you don’t try to convince them.

You move on.

It Starts with Your Life — Not His Attention

This mindset doesn’t come from repeating affirmations.

It comes from building a life you actually enjoy.

A life where you feel:

Grounded.
Peaceful.
Fulfilled.

You can still want a relationship.

But you’re not dependent on one to feel complete.

You know that being single is far better than being in a relationship where you are tolerated instead of truly valued.

Your Value Comes First

If you don’t see yourself as valuable, it’s very difficult for someone else to see it clearly.

Not because you aren’t valuable — but because your behavior won’t reflect it.

You’ll second-guess yourself.
You’ll overextend.
You’ll accept less than you deserve.

But when you begin to see yourself differently, your choices begin to change.

And those choices change your outcomes.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is understanding that your value is not something you earn — it’s something you recognize.

You don’t have to compete.
You don’t have to prove yourself.
You don’t have to chase.

You get to choose.

And that shift changes everything.

If you’re struggling with heartbreak or finding it hard to feel confident, I created a free training called the ABC’s of Healing to help you move forward with clarity and peace.

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Question: Do you see yourself as the prize — or are you still waiting to be chosen?