Why Men Don't Respect You

How to Stop Devaluing Yourself in Relationships
By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I remember being asked a simple question:

“What do you want in this relationship?”

And all I could come up with was:

“I want him to love me.”

That was it.

I hadn’t thought about how I wanted to feel.
I hadn’t defined what I would or wouldn’t accept.
I didn’t have standards — I just had hope.

And if a man acted like he might eventually love me, that was enough for me to stay.

That mindset cost me years.

Years of being taken for granted.
Years of being devalued.
Years of trying to earn something that was never mine to earn.

The Misunderstanding

Many women believe that if we are supportive enough, patient enough, and loving enough…

A man will eventually see our value.

We think:

“If I’m there for him… if I understand him… if I help him through his struggles… he’ll choose me.”

But what actually happens is something very different.

When you over-give, over-tolerate, and over-accommodate…

You don’t increase your value.

You decrease it.

What’s Really Happening

Respect doesn’t come from how much you give.

It comes from what you allow.

If you tolerate behavior that devalues you, you are teaching someone how to treat you.

Not intentionally — but consistently.

And over time, that becomes the standard.

Three Ways You May Be Devaluing Yourself

Let’s look at a few common patterns.

1. You Don’t Maintain Your Standards

For a long time, I had a list of what I wanted in a man.

But I didn’t actually follow it.

I treated my standards like suggestions — not requirements.

If everything else seemed “good enough,” I would overlook the things that mattered most.

But standards only work if you uphold them.

Otherwise, they aren’t standards — they’re preferences.

And preferences are easy to ignore.

2. You Excuse Disrespect

I used to explain away behavior I didn’t like.

“He’s just busy.”
“That’s just how men are.”
“He didn’t mean anything by it.”

But the truth was, I did have a problem with it.

I just didn’t want to seem difficult.

So instead of addressing the issue, I adjusted myself.

And in doing so, I showed that the behavior was acceptable.

3. You Don’t Communicate Clearly

This was one of my biggest struggles.

I didn’t want to come across as controlling or negative, so I stayed quiet.

I thought being “easygoing” would make me more desirable.

But what it actually did was create confusion.

People cannot respect boundaries they don’t know exist.

Clarity isn’t harsh — it’s necessary.

Why This Matters

When you allow behavior that doesn’t align with your values, you don’t just affect the relationship.

You affect how you feel about yourself.

You start to question your worth.
You feel resentful.
You feel unseen.

And over time, that erodes your confidence.

The Shift

Respect begins with you.

Not with proving yourself.
Not with being more accommodating.
Not with trying harder.

But with deciding:

“This is what I accept.
This is what I don’t.”

And then acting accordingly.

That might mean:

• Ending a date early
• Saying no
• Walking away

Not to punish someone else — but to honor yourself.

A One-Derful Life

Part of living a One-Derful Life is understanding that your value is not determined by how someone treats you.

But how someone treats you will often reflect what you tolerate.

When you respect yourself:

You don’t chase.
You don’t convince.
You don’t overextend.

You choose.

And that changes everything.

If you’re struggling with heartbreak or finding it difficult to move forward, I created a free training called the ABC’s of Healing to help you regain clarity and peace:

👉 https://marydittman.mykajabi.com/abcsofhealing 

Question: Where in your life might you be accepting less than what you truly want?