The Only Thing Worse than a Mean Girl is a Mean Woman

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I was a nerd in junior high and high school.  As such, I was regularly teased and made fun of by the popular girls.

Even today, I tend to misunderstand when people are insulting me because I err on the side of giving the benefit of the doubt to others.  I don’t assume that sideways comment was shady until someone else points it out.  Maybe ignorance really is bliss, though!

Meanness seems to be more acceptable today.  Politicians, celebrities, reality stars, and social media trolls don’t seem to be bothered by their own mean behavior.  The anonymity of the internet makes it possible to leave hateful comments without having to take responsibility for the harm they inflict.

Even if someone does call out a celebrity on an inappropriate comment, the response is normally to delete the post and issue an apology, but if you’ve ever been hurt...

 The Ambiguous Loss of Singleness

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Recently, my dad shared an article with me from Pepperdine Magazine - the alumni publication from Pepperdine University.

In the article, Kelly Haer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and director of the Relationship IQ program at the Pepperdine Boone Center for the Family, proposes that one of the difficulties singles face is the ambiguous loss that comes from grieving the spouse they don’t have while still hoping they will marry.

Grief and loss are more clearly understood if your married and your partner dies or leaves.  But, the complex grief singles experience that comes from not having found the relationship they desire or the fear that it will never happen.

The article states that for Christians, relying on God’s faithfulness eases the pain, but my experience has been that believing God is “keeping me single for a greater purpose” is far from comforting!

For singles who...

What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Part of life is dealing with the disappointment we feel when things don’t go our way.

Maybe the promotion we’d hoped for went to someone else.  Or we never heard back from that cute guy after 3 dates.  Or you made an offer on a house and it was rejected.

Even though we know things aren’t always going to turn out how we want them to, sometimes disappointment is harder to get over than we expect.  We hash and rehash it over in our minds, hoping to figure out where things went “wrong.”  

If you’ve ever had disappointment grow and take on a life of its own, you understand how important it is to keep your perspective so that you don’t slide down into an emotional pit of despair.

Here are some ways to keep the disappointment contained so that you can move on:

1. “This is what is supposed to be happening.”

Marie Forleo suggests...

The One Thing I Hated in Life is the Only Thing That Could Bring Me Happiness

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In Part 1, we looked at how singleness was the only way I could have what I truly craved: a sense of wholeness and completion.

In his book, The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday uses the Roman philosophy of stoicism to teach the idea that the problem is actually the solution.  In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (a noted stoic) writes, “The impediment to action advances action.  What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Let’s say you’re unemployed and can’t find a job.  Your lack of income forces you to get creative, so you bake some of your grandmother’s chocolate cupcakes and sell them for $1 each.  The cupcakes are such a hit, you take the money and buy more ingredients for more cupcakes.  The more you sell, the more the word spreads about your amazing cupcakes.  Before long, you have enough business to open...

How The One Thing I Hated Gave Me What I Wanted Most

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

For years, I struggled with feelings of not being complete or whole.  

I’ve always wanted to be married and have a family, so being single has always left a huge void in my life.  When you desire a husband and children, getting a dog or babysitting for friends just isn’t an acceptable substitute.

Even though I knew intellectually that I didn’t need a man to complete me, I want what women are biologically programmed to want: a partner and a family.  Friends, volunteer work, and pets just don’t fill that need.  They can be a lovely distraction, but they’re not the same as a husband and a family of one’s own.

Meanwhile, I found something interesting in James 1:2-4.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must...

Free Your Friends By Detaching

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I think we’ve all had the experience of the friend who gets a new man, then you don’t hear from her unless he’s out of town or they break up.

If you’re like most of us, maybe you’ve been that friend!  In my younger days, I would ditch a friend to accept a last-minute date with a guy.  Or, I’d go on a date even if I was sick with a terrible cold, but cancel on a girlfriend because I was tired or just “didn’t feel like” going.

It is completely natural to want to spend every possible moment with your Mr. Right.  It’s easy to let your friendships slip away and just focus in on your beloved.  Part of that is how we’re wired as women, but we also need our girlfriends!  And not just the ones we double date with!

What if you and your beloved break up?  Many times, the couple you hung out with feel like they have to choose...

Ladies Inspire Others!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

This is the second part of our Be A Lady series. Click here to read Part 1.

A lady takes care of herself.  Ladies don’t shlump around town in their sweats.  They wouldn’t be caught running out for a quick coffee in their ratty t-shirt and pajama pants. 

I recently saw a photo of a movie star wearing paint-splattered jeans.  And not in an haute-couture kind of paint-splattered style.  They were old, paint-splattered jeans.  Not cute, and not flattering.  Those may be fine for when you’re home (painting), but when you go out, throw on a pair of well-fitting leggings or skinny jeans.

I used to NEVER leave my house in anything lower than a 3-inch heel.  Today, I’d rather wear my cute Vans (hello, leopard print!) or my ballerina flats, or my clean, cute sneakers.  Even if I’m wearing what I’ll wear to my yoga class later, my outfit is clean, cute, and...

Ladies Aren’t Doormats!

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

I know times are always a-changin’, but one thing I believe never goes out of style: acting like a lady.

You wouldn’t know it looking at today’s “influencers.”  Many of our “style icons” bombard us with attacks on others, in-your-face cleavage and body parts, f-bombs, and newsfeeds full of shade and negativity.

But when I look at great ladies in the past - Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy - I’m reminded of the charm, elegance, and grace that ladylike behavior contributes to any environment.  

Some of my modern-day inspiration for ladylike charm comes from people like Kate Middleton, Amal Clooney, and Queen Letizia of Spain.

I’m far from perfect, but I’ve come up with a few points I believe describe a lady.

But, first: what is a lady NOT?

The word “lady” may conjure up an image of a helpless damsel dropping her...

 It’s ALWAYS Right

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

In the TV show, “Scandal,” Olivia Pope used to brag that she trusted her gut because it was never wrong.

The good news is, gut accuracy isn’t a trait reserved for fictional heroines or “lucky” women.

We ALL have intuition that exists to serve us - men have it, but women are able to access our intuition more quickly.  Our problem is that we will frequently talk ourselves out of listening because sometimes our gut’s direction doesn’t make logical sense, or we feel “mean” about following it.

There’s a line in Girl With the Dragon Tattoo that goes something like, “People are more worried about offending someone else than they are about their own safety.”  The consequences of that can be deadly, and not just in the movies.

Whenever I have ignored my gut, I regretted it.  Every.  Single.  Time.  At work, in...

 There are No Shortcuts in Successful Relationships

By Mary R. Dittman, M.B.A.

Recently some houses were constructed along the route I typically take to the gym.  It seemed like they were fully built in record time - going from foundation to ready in under 2 months.

As a former homeowner, I know the importance of what you CAN’T see in a home.  Sure, the beautiful countertops, floor tiles, and fixtures are exciting, but if your foundation, plumbing, and electrical systems aren’t up-to-par, you are in for years of expensive problems.

This morning there was a letter to “Dear Abby” in the newspaper (yes, I still read a daily newspaper).  The writer was a woman saying she got involved with a coworker - their affair was fast and furious.  She became pregnant, so they chose to move in together to coparent their child.  The problem: they detest each other and do not agree on anything related to their relationship or life together....